My comfort zone

I think it started when I joined Dance Synergy in my uni days. The awfully shy and quiet girl took the plunge and signed up to potentially embarrass herself on stage. Maybe it was because no audition was required but I really do not know what made me do it, I did not even had a friend to attend the first session with. But there was no turning back from then.

Dancing liberated me in so many ways and taking that first step out of my then comfort zone seemingly destroyed the entire concept of comfort zone for me. It seems nothing became too scary or out of the norm for me. I travelled alone, became a The Little Gym instructor, drove in Europe, picked up pole dancing and performed in public places, slept in an airport, tried cliff diving, went sky diving, juggled work and studies to earn a Master's, cycled to work, roughed it out in Nepal, Bhutan and India, swam with tiger sharks without a cage, broke my own iron bowl to become a certified yoga instructor, started learning a new language at nearly 40....

I considered myself to be fairly adventurous and pretty adaptable. I dislike routines and enjoy making small changes such as taking a different route to a regular place or answering friends' query on what to eat with "surprise me!" and accepting invitations to events spontaneously. It has been a very long time since I thought of myself as stuck in my comfort zone.

Until I was in Jai's yoga class.

I have been practising yoga for about 10 years and am definitely more stretched and flexible than when I first started because I strive to be so. During my YICC, I was also more at ease in achieving most of the poses compared to the rest of my coursemates. No, I am probably nowhere near the standard of yoga gurus or professional yogis but I would not think that I am stuck in my yoga comfort zone.

Until Jai instructed us to do Chaturanga in reverse, challenged us to perfect the basic Utkatasana (chair pose), guided us to perform Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutations) with Kumbhaka. My limbs were shaking, my steady breath was quickening and it was definitely fear I felt when my lungs screamed for oxygen, reminding me of the time I was at Tulamben. Jai could see we were all struggling and he pep-talked us to constantly confront our limits, to go further and not stay in our comfort zones because yoga is more than just the poses.

Wow. At that instant, I realised I do have my own comfort zone and I was very reluctant to step out of it. What he was asking us to do was really difficult and practically impossible for me to do and made me want to just give up and go straight to Savasana. I realised that precisely because of all the seemingly "uncomfortable" things that I had done in the past 20 years, I conjured up this false belief that I do not have a comfort zone when nothing is further from the truth. Once again, yoga helped me learn more about myself.

Then it was not hard to see the boundary of my comfort zone in other aspects - career, relationships - it is a revelation. And after I recovered from the initial shock of the discovery, I learnt it is not a bad thing to be in your comfort zone. It is an essential personal safe place for each of us to retreat to when the world gets too much to handle.

I am thankful for my comfort zone which, well, has expanded quite a bit with every "uncomfortable" thing I did achieved. I am probably still not ready (physically and mentally) to accomplish all that Jai expects of us but I am pretty certain that the competitive edge in me will not allow me to just settle. But it is good to be able to acknowledge to myself that I do have a comfort zone and have a clearer idea of where my limitations lie so rather than trying to eliminate it I can further expand it.

for the wish of a single lady

"for the wish of a single lady"
It is something Axel often says when he has to defer to my preferences and to which I usually roll my eyes at 🙄 because I find it to be such an exaggeration, a hyperbole even! I mean I just prefer to use the pavement rather than cut across the grass patch?!?

But for this particular endeavour - I have to agree. It does feel like everything and everyone had come together "for the wish of a single lady", except it is a soon not-to-be-single lady. 🤣

So around this time (8ish am) last week, I was about 5 meters below sea level in a flowy white wedding dress atop a 100 years old wreck surrounded by marine life that took my breath away. But it was not as romantic as it appeared. 

I just received the signal from the photographer with his big ass underwater camera to remove my mask while maintaining my pose so he could get the shot. There was a strong surge and I found myself struggling to stay in place even with weights around my waist, two in my lap and another tied to my ankle. Other than corals and fishes, there were 4 other dive guides, my makeup artist (MUA who also dives!) and another photographer floating close by. 

10 seconds into holding my breath without mask nor regulator, focusing my eyes and face towards the sunlight shining towards our spot in the vast sea, I felt another surge and the chill of the waters. I gestured the "out of air" signal and heaved such a relief when the regulator was brought back into my mouth. As my breathing slowly leveled again, the only thought that came to mind, "What were you thinking to want underwater wedding shots?!?! In the sea no less?!?!?!?!?!"

In retrospect, I was NOT thinking. I just want. Axel and I met through diving and I wanted unique wedding photography and I saw such photos online so I want. That's it. I didn't consider anything else. I just wanted it. 😦

Well, I got what I wanted... and it would not had been possible if this team was not there to make it happen.. so this post is dedicated to all of them who had fulfilled the wish of this soon-not-to-be single lady.

To George: right after our first dive, I remembered sitting next to him and telling him that I was crazy to want this and that HE was crazy to take us on. It was a surprise to me that I had a hard time finding an underwater wedding photographer; now I know better. It was through word of mouthS before we found George and I am SOOOO glad that we found him. Like I said, I just wanted without considering any factors but he, he is so professional, dedicated and thorough. He arranged for pre-shoot practice in a pool for us, flew in first to take test shots with the local guides, took care of not just our safety but our comfort and always put us at ease. I really really admire his passion for his craft (and the ability to look so fresh with so little sleep).

To Stephy: Axel received her contact from a mutual friend and when he was telling me about her, he said I would definitely connect with her and he was right. I am so glad I had not completely forgotten what I learnt from my sign language course from years back and even more glad to be able to have such a talented MUA to prettify me throughout the trip with waterproof makeup. She was able to design different looks and hairstyles based on what I was wearing and whether the shoot was on land or underwater. I was super impressed by her array of self-made hair pieces and props that she brought along. Most importantly, she showed genuine tender care towards both myself and Axel. We appreciate you!

To Lilian: Hey fellow Hello Kitty lover.. you put me right at ease the moment I saw HK on your underwater camera 😍 and your gentle guidance really brought out the model in me 😄 it was so so easy to pose for you and I really had such an awesome time fulfilling that secret desire to be a model. macro, infrared and light painting?! you opened my eyes to the possibilities of the photography industry.. thank you for your easygoing and funloving nature.. thank you for being you!

To Qiping: You had always been relatively quiet during our initial meetings, attentively listening in and always ready to give the helping hand. Little do we know that you can be such a silly yet witty lame joker of a "small fresh meat" 😆 Thank you for all the laughter you brought us during the trip. I also appreciate the really helpful and on-point pointers (pun intended) that you gave when you were behind the camera..

To Tisnu, Ketut and Made: What can I say? You are literally our life-savers, ensuring our safety and well-being throughout all the dives. Thank you for always fining like crazy to make sure we get our air every time we signaled for the tank that we shared. Thank you for not losing my mask too. 😄 Especially to Tisnu, thank you for being such a pillar of strength when I had nothing else to hold on to underwater. I am sorry that this dead weight here caused you to suffer leg cramps underwater.. 😦 Also, thank you for driving us around in your lorry too!!!

To Julian: Last but certainly not least! I really think you are a closet diver... hope you get your certification soon! You are such a giving person, so kind and nice to us and sweet to Stephy. Thank you for being the indispensable translator and helpful coordinator during the trip. Really enjoyed our little chats while I was being dolled up by Stephy. All the best to you lovebirds!

L to R: George, Tisnu, Julian, Qiping, Lilian. Front: Stephy

Finally, to my love, when I almost panicked with that real threat of death by drowning, your steady gaze and smiling lips instantly calmed me down. Thank you for being my life buoy, holding me with your strong arms and holding my heart so tenderly and preciously that I feel no fear when you are near. The entire adventure was worth it for that instant when I realised I truly would have no other than you. ich liebe dich. 💗