Goodbye Oscar..

We buried Oscar this morning.

He had been missing for days. Which was not unusual. He had been gone for a day or two before. The food we had put out was still disappearing, even though some days it was totally untouched. 

It was almost like when we first met him. He was super shy and ran away at the sight or sound of us. It took weeks before hubby got close enough to stroke him. Then pretty soon he couldn't get enough of our caresses.

I remember the first time he jumped on my lap; the one time he let my face come so close to his that we nose bumped; the last time he hung out with me as I sat in the front yard. He was such a source of joy and comfort.

By the fifth day, I got sufficiently concerned that I went out of our compound to search for him, knowing full well that the chances of finding him that way were slim. I even looked in drains along the road.

Hubby found him. A black mess among trash, ravaged by maggots. He must had passed the first day he went missing. Seeing the pendant I put on him just a month ago confirmed it's him.

Strangely I did not cry. About 5 years ago, I was quite emotional when I had to say goodbye to a community cat which I fed a couple times a week. Granted I had been feeding Tux for about a year while we only really knew Oscar for 3 months.

Perhaps it is age or maturity but it was a quiet acceptance as hubby and I stood where he decided would be his final resting place. Away from us but not that far off where we would never find him? 

Perhaps as the number of days he went missing increased, we had already started accepting that the chances of him reappearing alive were decreasing. There really was not much that we could do but hope for his return.

So it was with composure and resolute that we did what was necessary to move his body and bury him. I got the necessary equipment and hubby transported him to a secluded corner and started digging.

It was difficult to look at Oscar's body. He had such soft and smooth fur that was .. no more. He had been so graceful and light on his paws but it looked nothing more than dead weight. He had serenaded me with his gentle purring and it was so silent.

Perhaps the tears will come after all.