I wish I never tasted my first chee cheong fun

What was your first introduction to chee cheong fun? 

My earliest memory of it was the pre-made type kept in a food warmer alongside a variety of similarly mass-produced bao and siew mai. It takes no time for it to be dumped on a plate and topped with sweet sauce and if you are lucky, sesame seeds. As a picky eater who disliked vegetables and complicated food, that was often my go-to "meal" during recess in early school years. I think I liked it very much then. 

I wish I could remember when was my first introduction to the other chee cheong fun. I am referring to the freshly-made type using steam to cook the liquid rice flour on a cloth into translucent rice sheets with savoury ingredients such as char siew or prawns. Served steaming hot with a super light soy sauce. Okay, I am salivating as I am typing here. This is the only type of chee cheong fun I allow into my stomach now.

I was pondering this question of why was my first chee cheong fun not the second version as my husband and I were enjoying this very delicacy bought from the newly opened Chef Wei HK Cheong Fun in our neighbourhood. I really love this version of chee cheong fun!!! And I seriously feel shortchanged somehow that I grew up thinking the first version was acceptable..

As mentioned, I think I liked it then as a child. It was enjoyable then even though the rice rolls were way too thick and the dish had minimal nutrients. Perhaps in a school setting where the turnover rate is high, all the chee cheong fun I had then were soft and warm. It was during my working days when in the interest of time and convenience, I ordered a plate from the drinks stall at a coffeeshop and was served one with rice rolls that were dried up at the edges and a sweet sauce that was too watery, and no sesame seeds. Oh, the indignation I felt then. 

I can't be sure but after getting my first taste of the Hong Kong style chee cheong fun, I believe I have never (in the words of the famous doctor photographer) wasted another calorie on the version made for convenience. 

Convenience. Just a word. Who doesn't like convenience right? Me. It has become a word with negative connotations to me now. I do like ease, honestly who wouldn't like life to be easier, but no, not at the expense of life itself. How did we come to this point when convenience takes precedence over our health, our wellbeing, our only home, our planet? 

Back to the question to which I have no answer. It is hard to imagine a Chef Wei in even one school canteen. With an average of 30 minutes for recess, who has time to wait for freshly made chee cheong fun? How else to serve the masses but with mass-produced food? Yet, I can't help thinking how I would never ever stomach the pre-made convenience version if my first taste had been the freshly made authentic quality food that we deserve.  

 

Check Your Privilege Day

In the aftermath of George Floyd's death, I was trying to make sense of it all. It was a rude and shocking reminder of how cruel, inhumane and senseless our world can be. And I need to understand how that came to be, how for all the goodness and cleverness of humanity, we have allowed such a thing to happen. So I read, absorb and reflect. There was no shortage of materials, just from my Facebook feed. And I try not to read only one side of the story (good training from my Masters of Science Communication and also because of this TED talk) which often means that eventually I can't really only argue for or against any issue. I don't see myself as standing with only the police or with the blacks.

Of all the articles I read in that time, this one stood out for me. First of all, I aspire to be as humble and open as Jason is and secondly as I read Lori's response, my ignorance and obliviousness to my own privilege became increasingly apparent. There is no way to deny that I have privilege for being a Chinese living in Singapore. It is also with great shame that I admit I had personally questioned someone's intellectual capabilities based on skin colour. I may not had said anything at that point in time but the doubt that had arisen if detected by the other party would certainly had been a source of unjustified pain.

It feels extremely unfair. The world is unfair and unlikely to change overnight. Perhaps because I have myself been in the position of being the minority in other scenarios, I could somewhat empathize with her but I can never imagine having to face and deal with that kind of discrimination on a daily basis. Thus, it was then that I decided I would stand up, speak out and challenge any unfair instances which I may witness in future. We can all do better.

Then Racial Harmony Day rolled by. Although I had never celebrated it as a student, I always looked forward to dressing up for that day as a teacher! Facebook reminded me of the different styles I tried over the years, not one was Chinese. 😆 I supposed it can be seen as tokenism as depending on the school's directive, efforts toward celebration of RHD can be quite superficial. Yet, not having that experience as a student had resulted in me having practically zero exposure to other races until my university days?!?

Besides liking many of my teacher friends' RHD related photos on Facebook, I also chanced upon Preetipls' video which spurred me to pen this post. Highly doubt MOE will even entertain her proposal but after completing her checklist (I ticked 11 boxes) I strongly encourage everyone to check yours! Privilege is really not only based on race and I honestly believe everyone benefits from a heightened sense of self-awareness. Another alternative is to attempt The Privilege Walk (Singapore edition) which actually first happened about 4 years ago. I would be 7 steps ahead.

While preparing for this post, I googled "check your privilege singapore" to search for Preetipls' video, fully expecting it to be the first result but of course I was wrong. This is a topic that has been discussed again and again, (link, link, link, link, link) and until we as individuals begin to acknowledge these advantages afforded to each of us, it will continue to come up again and again.

Finally, as Preetipls mentioned, being highly privileged is not a problem in itself. And I certainly hope that this call to check your privilege does not backfire as suggested by this article! It is what we do with this knowledge and awareness that matters. Allow me to appeal to your moral responsibility that comes with privilege, do what you can or perhaps stop doing what you have been doing. Hopefully together we can prevent the next senseless murder.

what does it mean?

Over the weekend, I attended a performance-installation curated as part of Singapore International Festival of Arts (SIFA) 2019. I had always enjoy art somewhat, I am a dancer after all and my first out-of-the-world experience at Singapore Biennale 20?? is still deeply etched in my mind. But I don't usually actively seek out artistic performances or exhibitions to attend. What I do catch, often and largely, depends on my much more artsy gal pal Geri. Come to think of it, almost all of the paid artistic performances I attended were with her! 😄

I was actually slightly reluctant to catch this particular one when she first suggested it to me, probably because I was feeling kind of broke and didn't really want to spend unnecessarily. But it had been a while since we met and her recommendations had never failed so far so I said "yes!" to ST/LL. This post is not a review on it. But here is an incredibly well-written review on it if that's what you want. I hope my writing skills reach that level sometime in the near future... but anyway my post is more about the thoughts and emotions it had evoked in me.

First of all, I should have noticed the ingenious subtlety of its title way earlier than 10 minutes before the start of the performance. But I did not. It was only when we were seated and perusing the programme booklet did it hit me like a ton of bricks (ok, maybe not that hard, it is subtle after all). I had assumed it was some kind of acronym or code - ST = standard and LL = long lens?!?! but it was a play of the word STILL.

Before I share the director's (Shiro Takatani) explanation of it, I need to put it out there this recurring thought/dream/imagery that I have been replaying in my mind for years. Consider a bowl of marbles. It can be a very serene scenario of pretty marbles sitting in a bowl. Then consider the bowl being upturned and that direct opposite of serenity as the marbles dispersed in all directions. Sometimes, there are marbles, other times there had been liquid, water, seeds, sticks etc. But always this replay of containment versus .... chaos? release? I could not make sense of it. I know there is some truth or knowledge or understanding to be gained from it. Something about the crazily minuscule point between the two states but I could not figure it out all these years. I had tried posing this odd "question" to just 2 people who I thought might have an answer for me but it is still unraveling to this day...

So... try and understand just how big my eyes widened as I read these words from the director:

ST/LL is taken from the word "still". The slash signifies a sense of being "in between" - for example, being between one moment and the next - and expresses the fluctuations between being tranquil or stationary to being busy or in motion. The slash also alludes to the idea to what extent can we recognise a very short amount of time?

I was ordained to watch this performance! By then, I literally could not wait for it to begin. Unfortunately, perhaps because I was not in the pink of health at that moment, I never quite got into a state of "meditation on silence" during the performance. My mind just refused to take a back seat and I was constantly trying to "make sense" and explain to myself what my eyes and ears were taking in. It really was a very arresting visual display. I was totally in awe with the technicalities, lighting and use of multimedia. [How in the world do they superimpose delayed or reversed images on a live stream?!?] However I much preferred the gentle swishing of water as the performers moved across the shallow pool onstage to the almost-oppressive music composition by Ryuichi Sakamoto.

At the end of it, I still had no answer. Perhaps there was never meant to be an answer? Or perhaps I had not properly formulated a question yet? In any case, I thought this was a perfect example of how art is the only way to express something that can never be fully explained in words, of any language. You can only experience it.



PS: Writing this post is also a way for me to determine if I ever get any closer to finding an answer in future.