One Weakness About Myself

I do not like conflicts. The very thought of disagreeing with someone is uncomfortable for me. It is why I am often very silent in social settings. It isn't that I have no opinion but that I do not wish to share my opposing view which I believe will (i) lead to an argument, (ii) result in a awkward situation, (iii) damage a relationship, (iv) or all of the above. I got so used to keeping my thoughts to myself it is no wonder that my comments in report books were often "quiet and pleasant disposition".

But avoiding conflicts is definitely a weakness of mine. Another thing I remember from my growing up years was my netball coach telling me that I need to be more assertive. It goes hand in hand with one's level of self-confidence. When you easily lose possession of the ball on court, you become less confident of getting it back. It is a vicious cycle that took me a long time to break out of.

At least now that I am aware of it, I am working on it. I still do not like conflicts but avoiding them is no longer my first option now. I do, however, take a lot of time and consideration before I actually decide on my next step when facing a conflict. Work in progress here. 

Something I Would Tell Myself From The Beginning of 2020

I started a brand new bullet journal at the start of this year. One of its first pages was my "word of the year". The word of the year helps set one's intention for the year which I suppose will fit right in with today's reflection. 

Although that one word is very prominent, as indicated on the top left hand corner, I wanted to:

 - feel magical

 - be magical

 - stay magical

 - make all things magical

When I was choosing the word, I realized that I did not want anything too rigid but something that could apply to everything. 

The fact that I'm a Harry Potter fan probably played a part too. Sometimes I feel I'm too logical and should instead have a little more faith but "faith" still does not quite resonate with me. I also was inspired by Einstein's quote to choose to see everything as a miracle except I prefer everything to be magical rather than miraculous. 

So there it is. And I think the word surfaced quite dramatically in January (see here). However, after the pandemic reared its ugly head, I had sort of forgotten about it.... Shall keep it in the forefront of my mind now for the remainder of December. After all, it is almost Christmas. 

Something I Cried Over

Deaths almost always leave a lump in my throat. 

In July this year, I received news of 2 deaths in a span of a week. Both were unexpected and though neither was family, I was quite cut up to hear the news.

One was the guru I encountered during my yoga retreat to India in 2018. We were still corresponding via snail mail last year and I was wondering about the delay in his response to my last card.. Although we only spent a couple of hours a day together during that short trip, he had really left an impression on me and I was looking forward to learning more from him...

The other was an ex-colleague who I had worked quite closely with. Firstly, she was the mother hen for all new teachers and really took good care of us newbies to the school. Then we worked as co-teachers for a class and I witnessed how caring and selfless she was as a teacher. Before I left school, she became a fellow teacher-in-charge for the CCA I was in charge of and I learnt a different (and sporty) side of her from all the afternoons we spent together. I even had the honor of her presence during my wedding dinner.

Tears threatening again as I type. As a logical person, I understand the fact that all life ends in death and it is inevitable but there is no way my brain could convince the heart to stop aching. Especially for Mrs Ho whose life seemed so unfairly taken away. My last text to her was for her birthday and really wishing for her the retirement that she was looking forward to.. 

Both Mrs Ho and Mohanji were some of the nicest and kindest persons I know and for days after hearing the news, it felt impossible to reconcile my expectation with the reality. On many occasions, I found that I had drifted off in a daze, recalling the interactions I had with them and realizing I would never be able to do the same anymore.

Thankfully, even with the Covid situation, I was able to pay my respect to Mrs Ho in person and that ritual with the opportunity to speak to her family gave me some closure. Crying was a release. Grieve.

Death is unavoidable and that certainty is a good constant reminder to cherish the now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, say what needs to be said and do what your heart wants done. Give thanks and love.

Something I Laughed Over

Have you heard of Mark Rober? If you have not, please check out his YouTube channel! 

I first chanced upon him on Facebook, specifically his video on a squirrel ninja obstacle course in May during Circuitbreaker. It was fun, ingenious and totally appealed to the Physics teacher in me. But that was not something that I would "laugh over", more that it was incredibly cute and enjoyable though it also made me a little envious of the space available to him during lockdown.

However, as I browsed his long list of videos, I discovered this gem of a bomb which really made me laughed out loud. A bit 幸灾乐祸 but you got to admit those guys totally deserved it. 🤣🤣🤣 and he had upgraded his super sophisticated device twice with new videos too. Please enjoy! 

New Clothes I Bought

My total expenditure on clothing this year comes to a grand total of SGD 77.90. No kidding. Just checked my MoneyLover app. Unless masks fall under the category of clothing then maybe a little closer to a hundred bucks. 

Understanding the reality of fast fashion and waste, I really think twice and even thrice about buying new clothes. Seventy bucks were spent at Fashion Pulpit once in January to look for CNY attires and recently in November to find a dress that fit a wedding theme. The remaining dollars was the balance cost of purchasing some Hello Kitty x Purpur collaboration pieces after using some almost expiring vouchers. 

I never feel a lack of clothes to wear (not that we head out much this year). It also helps that friends know my thoughts on fashion and bless me with lovely hand-me- downs which I would totally consider as "new" clothes but well I didn't buy them. Technically, clothes I found at the Fashion Pulpit aren't exactly bought either as I swapped in pieces that no longer spark joy but I did pay some monies...

Anyway, allow me to present some of the new clothes I "bought" this year:

Found "the" dress with a perfect fit at Fashion Pulpit for a friend's pastel color theme wedding. 

Hard to resist an authentic and affordable collaboration. Was wishing I get to wear this in some cold country....

Hello Kitty is not so obvious but she is there with the flowers! But got a off-shoulder top of the same print instead. 

Both the cat print sleeveless top and silver shorts are from Fashion Pulpit. 

A very good quality (read: heavy) dress found at Fashion Pulpit which I wore on CNY.

A New Place I Went To This Year

Well, this new place is the only new place I visited this year. Then again, I really should be counting my blessings that I even got to travel and dive this year at all! 

I love diving and diving in a new site at least once a year is a must for me. Hopefully it will still be possible as Phase 3 is in sight and *cross fingers* travel restrictions will ease gradually. 

Anilao is a municipality in the province of Iloilo in Philippines. It is also a Marine Protected Sanctuary well-known for muck diving and therefore great for underwater macro photography. 

The hubby is better skilled at underwater photography but I absolutely love looking for tiny critters especially nudibranchs! So needless to say, I was really excited about this dive trip. 🤩

We were well rewarded throughout the entire trip. Besides numerous nudibranchs in a crazy array of shapes and colors, we also spotted giant frogfishes, minuscule pygmy seahorses, and the rare blue-ringed octopus. During our final dive, we even experienced the unexpected eruption of Taal Volcano! 

Hard to imagine all these happened less than a year ago. 😳 Definitely a very thrilling and worthwhile new place to go! 

A Tiktok Trend I Like

Disclaimer: I do not have Tiktok and still have not figured it out yet. 

I had to Google for Tiktok trends and only a few look remotely familiar and nothing really stood out or caught my attention. 

If I have to choose a trend that I like, the #selfcare hashtag resonates with me. Can't stress enough the importance of mental health awareness. 

There is one Tiktok related news (or is it a trend?) that made me so happy reading it that I shared it on Facebook. This really is using the platform for good. So glad Mr Derlin's enthusiasm did not go unnoticed and he totally deserved that tip! 

More such stories please.... Faith in humanity renewed!