Restarting the Engine

A casual chat with a friend recently led to the revival of my LinkedIn account. 

Not something I thought would happen after failing to transition into a new industry that I was aiming for with my Masters in Science Communication back in 2018, and certainly far from my considerations after moving halfway around the world to a vastly different setting from my birthplace last year.

When I was still in the education service, as fulfilling as it had been, I eventually came to an understanding of what I do not want and what I do want out of my career. Unfortunately, the list of do-nots was disproportionately longer than the dos in my role as a teacher. So I left. 

I was optimistic about my "new" prospects in what I considered to be a niche industry for which I had deep passion for. Until I simply was, not. Around the same time, the husband began his research into migrating to a more preferable, desirable country. The whole notion of landing a "sustainability focused, financially rewarding, energetically flowy" career was just, shelved.

Honestly thought I read enough self-help materials to realize the dangers of attaching my sense of identity to work. However, beyond that, I truly believe I have so much more to give and offer than just being a housewife. Thus I promptly got into action when the said friend mentioned the availability of remote roles on LinkedIn!

 

The engine has successfully restarted. 

Well, at least I am pleased and confident enough to share my latest sample work as a freelance writer on Stoicism. Coincidentally, a philosophy that resonated with me after learning about Marcus Aurelius. Even more serendipitous that I just finished his Meditations! Intrigued? Read my introduction to a book on this timeless philosophy.. (although it is targeted at youngsters, I truly think Stoicism is for everybody!)

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Introduction

External things are not the problem. It’s your assessment of them. Which you can erase right now. -Marcus Aurelius

I stumbled upon the above quote in the aftermath of uncertainties brought about by the Covid-19 pandemic. Life is an ever-changing landscape that shaped our roller-coaster journey through which we navigate essentially alone. The pandemic with its enforced isolation had brought out the uglier side of humanity. It was against such a depressive backdrop that this little bit of Stoic philosophy stood out for me like a beacon of clarity and wisdom.

Discovering Stoicism: A Turning Point

Imagine it is 2020. The coronavirus is spreading to all parts of the world. We are isolated. The news that we get each day consists of which new country has it landed in, the number of infected people, the shortage of supplies, the difficulties, the inconveniences. The death toll. My mind is clouded with anxiety, frustration, and helplessness. I go through the mechanics of the day like a zombie. But when I read this quote, it shone through the darkness like a torch of a thousand suns. Indeed we have the power to erase the actual problem.

A Personal Odyssey: Applying Stoic Principles

From the genius of Marcus Aurelius, I studied other key figures of Stoicism including Zeno of Citium, Seneca and Epicetus. Each ancient had me delved ever deeper into Stoic philosophy and I found myself embracing the concept of identifying what lies within my sphere of control and letting go of all that lies without. It has transformed not just my perspective but my very approach to living.   

The Essence of Stoicism

Stoicism may seem like an abstract philosophy but to put it plainly, it is a way of life. The core of which is the pursuit of eudaimonia - a state of “flourishing" that is the result of living in accordance with nature and virtue (Pigliucci, 2024). When one practices this diligently, it is equivalent to gaining a superpower that helps one to stay strong and calm when the going gets tough.

The Relevance of Stoicism To Young People

As a secondary school teacher for more than a decade, I have witnessed first-hand the many challenges and difficulties faced by young people. From academic struggles and social pressures to mental health issues and family problems, youngsters can use all the help they can get to navigate all kinds of situations and overcome obstacles. I wish I had discovered Stoicism earlier so that more of my students could have benefited from my knowledge of Stoicism. It is evident to me that its core principles offer a crucial guiding light in chaotic times, a roadmap for them to navigate life’s tumultuous seas of the growing up years.

Walking the Stoic Path: A Call to Action

Here let me formally invite you to discover for yourself the timeless wisdom of Stoicism. It is the wish of all teachers for our students, young people who will be the leaders of tomorrow, to achieve their fullest potential. The Stoic Path can guide and lead you on a journey of powerful transformation if you weave its principles into the fabric of your life. May this exploration be your source of inspiration and empowerment, guiding you through the vicissitudes of puberty and beyond with courage and grace.

Confessions of a Mahjong Addict

The other night, I played mahjong. By myself. 

Yes, myself playing all 4 winds or "sides" of the table.
I did not even use a square table.
I did not even have a full set of tiles.
I did not even play with normal size tiles. 

I was that desperate to play. Actually no. I invited the hubby to join me (even though he barely knows the game) but he was too exhausted from work that day. But I wanted to play something. I had brought both my miniature mahjong tiles and my bead pyramid IQ puzzle to our trapezium-shaped study desk and thought I self-entertain a little before sleep. 

I didn't think I would enjoy a solo mahjong session, with tiny feather-light tiles, but as it has been months (4 to be exact!) since I last played mahjong, I chose that over the IQ puzzle.

The miniature set was bought off Carousell because I like mahjong and I like tiny things. It was also inexpensive being secondhand. At that point in time, my personal Hello Kitty set was with a friend and I just wanted a set to begin introducing the hubby to my favourite game so I purchased it even though it was missing the animals. 

With the missing animals and solo playing, I figured I would go easy on the rules and just go back to the basics of getting 4 sets and a pair of eyes for a win. So easy-peasy. Thought I would bore quickly...

how I missed these 4 walls

I played for more than 2 hours.
Even though I had to think for 4 "players".
Even though I had to set up all 4 walls after each round.
Even though I got confused at least 4 times "whose" turn it was.

Thing is, despite the simplistic rules, the mental effort required, and the lack of satisfaction from discarding a normal size mahjong tile of substantial weight with style, I still enjoy the game. 😍

unique solo mahjong setup

It is so gratifying to draw that one tile you had been banking on; the pleasure of seeing the sets you envisioned falling into place; that ultimate vindication of winning on that last available tile you needed. Amazingly, even the heartache of drawing another hong zhong 🀄 after finally letting one go on the previous turn does not lessen with the reduced size of the tiles!

this was a big win!

As I had to oversee 4 arrays of tiles, the longish table actually worked pretty well. The tiles for the dealer always comes first. So east, south, west, then north down the length of the table. It was also helpful that I was on a rolling desk chair!

long table is good for solo mahjong! And another big win!

Although I was not playing with money or chips, the "pro" in me still gravitated towards qing yi se, ban se, ping hu and peng peng hu. I was not even counting the tai, but after a few rounds I got curious about which side of the "table" is becoming the "big winner" and began to track "who" is winning.

so amused by how I named the 4 directions of the "table"

Initially I only used the first letter of the different directions but decided to give them names eventually. It appears Libby's fengshui was not so good. Odd that that was the side where my notebook with red cover stood. Hmm...

Anyway, yes, I confess I am a mahjong addict.

The following day, we had a power outage on the estate which lasted for quite some time. Guess what I thought of. I suggested playing mahjong to the hubby and he agreed! He really did not have many alternative things to do. 😂

We got a rectangular table and sat in the living room with lots of natural light. He was "Timmy" (well, he can't be a Tammy right?) and "Ronny" while I became "Libby" and "Betty". I could have played for 3 but it was not hubby's first time so with his intelligence, I was sure he could handle it.

Because I really wanted him to play with me for a long time, I put on my teacher's hat and really tried to make the learning process easier and smoother for him. Kept the rules simple and allowed no tai wins (personalised learning). When he couldn't remember the chinese characters for numbering, I provided a pictorial reference (scaffolding). After every round, I explicitly explained my tiles on hand and my strategy (modeling) and also discussed his tiles and strategy (feedback). Most importantly, I was very patient. At his playing speed, most of my mahjong kakis would want a new kaki!

the scaffold provided to hubby. actually much better versions available online

Maybe it had to do with the name Libby by the end of 1 round (each player being dealer at least once), Libby did not win a single time while Ronny was the ultimate winner. Yes, my hubby won more times than me.

this got to be the ultimate no tai win

I must find our square table so I can finally use my Hello Kitty mahjong tiles but first, I need 2 more players! Let's start a mahjong club in Uruguay??!! Playing mahjong comes with a slew of benefits!!!! Or do you prefer a scientific research conclusion?

when you love two languages..

Growing up in a Chinese/Hokkien speaking household, my grasp of the English language was never as good as that of my Mother Tongue. Learning Higher Chinese during my secondary school days had also deepened my love for this difficult and challenging but oh-so-incredible language. I am constantly amazed how a few characters in a single idiom can often convey so much more than the sum of its parts.

 

One would expect that if I am a language teacher, I would be teaching Chinese but fortuitously I had a take-it-or-leave-it offer to teach English when I applied to be a teacher. At times, I still feel like a fraud to call myself an English teacher when it is not something that comes naturally to me. The number of times I checked and re-checked the dictionary and thesaurus to write a single blog post is proof. Yet, having undergone that training started an unexpected love affair.

 

I love both languages. And I have come to realise that rather than identifying myself with either of them, it is more crucial to recognise the importance of language(s) as part of communication. Personally, effective communication is THE most important life skill everyone should acquire. So much wasted effort and unnecessary anguish can be avoided if what is said is received as intended.

  

Well, because I love both languages, I often try to make sense of the world, what I read, what I hear, through both medium. For example, I may watch a movie in English but constantly read the accompanying Chinese subtitles to get a deeper understanding. I enjoy such translation so much that I had offered to do translation (both ways) during volunteering stints! 

 

So recently, I was indulging in one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite artistes when I felt inspired to translate the song lyrics. Initially, I thought I would need to refer to other attempts (Mr Google really can find anything) but in the end, I was able to craft my own translation in its entirety rather fluidly. I was only concerned about not losing the original meaning (or at least my interpretation of it) that I did not bother about how my translation will fit back in the song. Look at this gem of a website I found! Such a great way to learn a new language if you enjoy singing too!!

   

I suppose it is not too difficult to guess which Chinese song I have translated especially since it is also the theme song for a famous fabulous movie! As a Physics teacher, I wonder if the songwriter had misunderstood the definition of light year to be a measurement of time rather than that of distance... but who cares! The song is beautiful and her singing is flawless!

 

What do you think of my translation? 

 

Beyond Light Years 

relishing the caress of your fingertips on my hair
it freezes time instantaneously
etching the focus of your determined eyes upon mine
there may already be no tomorrow 

compared to the vast galaxies of stars
we are more minute than dust
floating drifting in helplessness 

fate brought us together far from the madding crowd
destiny had us falling in love amidst distress
perhaps a future is far beyond light years
i am willing to keep a vigil for you in this uncertainty 

i never imagine how crazy i will get for you
without you disasters and calamities can claim my life
i am already mad in the mind for you
without you pulses and heartbeats are inconsequential 

one embrace by your loving arms
protects me from the whirlwind of life
one bond of passionate relentlessness
fires up that eternal flame of hope 

the universe is majestic yet aloof
our love is infinitesimal but brilliant
tremulous but oh so selfless 

perhaps to deviate from the course is a dream that can never come to fruition
far from the madding crowd we only belong to each other

Something I Cried Over

Deaths almost always leave a lump in my throat. 

In July this year, I received news of 2 deaths in a span of a week. Both were unexpected and though neither was family, I was quite cut up to hear the news.

One was the guru I encountered during my yoga retreat to India in 2018. We were still corresponding via snail mail last year and I was wondering about the delay in his response to my last card.. Although we only spent a couple of hours a day together during that short trip, he had really left an impression on me and I was looking forward to learning more from him...

The other was an ex-colleague who I had worked quite closely with. Firstly, she was the mother hen for all new teachers and really took good care of us newbies to the school. Then we worked as co-teachers for a class and I witnessed how caring and selfless she was as a teacher. Before I left school, she became a fellow teacher-in-charge for the CCA I was in charge of and I learnt a different (and sporty) side of her from all the afternoons we spent together. I even had the honor of her presence during my wedding dinner.

Tears threatening again as I type. As a logical person, I understand the fact that all life ends in death and it is inevitable but there is no way my brain could convince the heart to stop aching. Especially for Mrs Ho whose life seemed so unfairly taken away. My last text to her was for her birthday and really wishing for her the retirement that she was looking forward to.. 

Both Mrs Ho and Mohanji were some of the nicest and kindest persons I know and for days after hearing the news, it felt impossible to reconcile my expectation with the reality. On many occasions, I found that I had drifted off in a daze, recalling the interactions I had with them and realizing I would never be able to do the same anymore.

Thankfully, even with the Covid situation, I was able to pay my respect to Mrs Ho in person and that ritual with the opportunity to speak to her family gave me some closure. Crying was a release. Grieve.

Death is unavoidable and that certainty is a good constant reminder to cherish the now. Tomorrow is not guaranteed, say what needs to be said and do what your heart wants done. Give thanks and love.

A new friend I made..

He is ...

Calm - just like his idol with the famous saying of "be water, my friend"

Harmonious which I found out after hearing him describe a work situation where I would have put my foot down

Ethical - The one time we met up for lunch, it was a vegetarian meal. I am a part-time vegetarian mainly for environmental reasons whereas he is a full-time vegetarian because he cares about all life.

Expert in grooming pets!

Hardworking, diligent and appreciative which makes my interactions with him so delightful.

Old and wise beyond his years. He is much younger than me but I can sense that old soul within him when we have some pretty serious conversations.

Wonderful as a student of mine under It's Raining Raincoats MADWISH initiative!

Headstand or Sirsasana aka The King Pose

 I remember the first time I saw someone I know performing this pose. I had just ended a class at The Little Gym where we taught children developmental gymnastics when in the corner of our huge red padded mat, one parent took advantage of the lull in between classes and decided to go upside down and balance on her head. I believed my jaw dropped. I was very impressed but never thought I would someday be able to achieve the same.

I started practising yoga in group classes and I professed to be a very good student in following instructions to get the most out of each session especially since I did not have the luxury of individualised directions. The headstand was one pose I knew, then, that would be out of my reach because it was an either-you-know-and-you-do-or-you-dont-and-you-skip pose during such group sessions. I only remember one time that an instructor went into details explaining and demonstrating the method step-by-step. Something she said stuck with me all these years, "Do not jump, walk your feet in and when you lift up, it should feel very light."

The pose continued to elude me for years. Until I joined a home studio where class size was limited to 8 people. There I received much more attention and perhaps also due to the fact that I was the youngest and most flexible student, the instructor often got me to demonstrate poses. My confidence soared and my postures improved across the board! When I watched the oldest (70 years old!) student effortlessly get into his headstand, I realised I felt neither envy nor resignation. I believed I would be able to do it.

As a gymnastics instructor, I can do a handstand with ease but as we are not required to hold the pose, I am completely comfortable being upside down but did not know how to stay upside down! I am also a Physics teacher who explains the concept of centre of gravity with diagrams and formula so the logical part of me had the idea that there is only ONE perfect point my entire body needs to be for me to stay upside down. I was so wrong.

The day I finally achieved a headstand by myself, everything just came together. I was ready, both physically and mentally. I was being guided by an attentive and caring instructor. I had shared how an old injury on my little finger was causing pain when my fingers were interlocked beneath my head and she suggested extending the little fingers instead. Although I was very close to the wall, I resolved to not make use of it. 

Just as what the first instructor explained, I did not jump, I kept walking my feet towards my face until past a tipping point, my legs very lightly, gently, gracefully raised above my head and torso. There was not a single point in space that my body froze in position to stay upside down, but there was this entire range of field in which my extended legs and feet could tilt left, right, front, back without me losing my balance. I stayed in pose long enough for me to remind myself to breathe and actually consciously took five breaths before bringing my legs down.

Needless to say, I felt euphoric. I probably looked exactly like what I saw in the parent after she calmly came down from the pose that time so many years ago. And just like her, I practise it wherever I can and whenever appropriate, even on water.

How are you? Are you really ok?

<<I was challenged by a friend to raise awareness for PTSD earlier this month. I didn't feel up to that particular challenge 🤣 but I do want to speak out for all who may be suffering from mental illnesses and/or anxiety disorders. So here is me rising to the challenge in a different format. >>

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression are anxiety disorders listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the principal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. They are recognised conditions by experts so first and foremost we need to understand that people with these conditions are REALLY unable to just "get over it".

There are many good online resources explaining the details such as this one by SingHealth. Or you may prefer to watch the TED Talk video on it. Interestingly, almost all the Google search results and resources from Singapore focus on identifying symptoms and recommending treatments while the top result from a non-SG website is Time To Change whose focus is to end mental health discrimination. 

Time To Change has great suggestions for people who want to help and even an entire section on Personal Stories for people with mental conditions to share their experiences. It is also where I learnt to ask twice when checking in on people you are concerned about, hence the title of this blog. In Singapore, we have the Beyond The Label initiative by NCSS which I was only reminded of from Berni's Facebook post. So yes, raising awareness for this greatly misunderstood condition is the why I am writing this blog post.

Here are some of my personal experiences with mental conditions.

I have always been a rather emotional person. When I was younger, breaking up was so devastating to me emotionally that I probably slipped into depression a couple of times. I remembered distinctly one particular episode when I was working as The Little Gym instructor. To be professional, my job requires me to be energetic and approachable in front of full classes of up to 24 adults and children for 45 minutes stretch. I would be able to execute that, holding back tears and emotions when they threatened, and then totally break down behind closed doors right after the end of a class. Oh yes I handled it, if you call that handling it. I lost my appetite, grew really thin, and somewhat functioned in a zombie-like state. My dad, at a loss of what else to do, for the first time in our lives, wrote me an encouragement card in Mandarin.

Once, when I was eating a meal by myself, a stranger asked to join my table which I agreed. We started chatting but it became increasingly uncomfortable. When I tried to leave, he refused to let me out of his sight, put his arm around me and touched my bare skin. I was horrified and felt totally helpless even though it was broad daylight in a shopping center. It was only when I walked towards a security guard and voiced my objection did he let me go. I was shaking and crying as I recounted the incident at the police station, my best friend by my side. It is only today as I read this HealthHub webpage on post-traumatic stress reactions am I able to put a name to all that I felt and experienced for that period of time. 

During my career as a secondary school teacher, I shed tears on many occasions. Sometimes they were due to difficult students in challenging classes. There were moments when I felt ineffective in helping those under my charge. And there were times it seemed nothing I did would or could ever make a positive difference for those who I care deeply about. I am aware that I am a sensitive person. Pastoral care sessions in school were often my undoing. But I generally attribute those salty water to my disposition and in fact believe they are beneficial. However, one of my supervisors became concerned and suggested psychotherapy. So I received treatment. Initially I was slightly affected by the stigma and did not tell anyone about these sessions. But hey, now you know, I needed help to manage my emotions and those sessions with a certified psychologist really helped me.

A close friend of mine had turned to me when she was suffering from an anxiety attack. For a while, I held space for her, listened and supported her. As much as I love her, when the frequency of these distress calls kept increasing, I became impatient with her and even wanted to distance myself from her. Not proud to admit that I had judged her negatively in her time of need. Yet, it is also important to recognise that caring for someone with mental conditions is not easy and I have to acknowledge these mixed feelings I had towards her. Still love her!

Wow... quite a catharsis for me in penning this post. Then again, writing often is. But I hope I have also achieved my aim to raise awareness for PTSD, and mental conditions in general. Let's do our part to end mental health discrimination. Be kind to one another and spread love. 🎔

Ellen says..

I am a huge Ellen fan. I was almost a workaholic when I was working as a teacher but I tried my damnedest to make it home every workday at 5pm to catch her show on TV. I would dance along with her and the audience at the beginning of the show (if no one else was home), laugh out loud at her witty jokes, shed silent tears to the heart wrenching and/or heartwarming stories highlighted and really take to heart her constant reminder to "be kind to one another". Her show had been the most positive part of my otherwise stressful and monotonous life. Kind of a surprise to myself that she had only been mentioned once in my blog.

My friends know how much I idolise her. I am totally infatuated with her! I constantly made references to things, ideas, people, songs mentioned during the show in my conversations with others and come to think of it, many trendy things that I do know about are mostly because they had been featured in her show. Case in point, never laid eyes on SuperM until they performed live on her show. And I actually dislike the colour blue with the exception of what I call "Ellen blue". It is as though she can do no wrong such that even my least favourtie colour becomes acceptable when it is associated with her. So I talk (maybe gush is a better word) about her a lot. I have double copies of her books because I have sweet friends who think of me when they see her face. 

When she first started the Ellen Shop and began advertising her merchandise during the show, I often eyed them enviously. If I know of a friend going to or transiting in LA, I would be sorely tempted to ask for a gift from the shop. It is probably a great blessing in disguise that I do not live in USA because I probably could then set up a branch in my own house. 

Subsequently my inclination towards minimalisim all but squashed any of my desire to own Ellen items no matter how much I like them. Until she started her BE KIND by ellen box series. 
The internal struggle.....
~ a be kind box! awwww.....
* but it will be full of items that you won't need...
~ they are products that make a difference to the world!
* how much more dust collectors do you want to take care of?!?!
~ they are curated by Ellen!
* think of the environmental impact and of transporting it halfway round the world...
~ maybe just one??
...
...

Then my birthday came around... and although I was still struggling within... somehow... when you really want something the entire universe conspires to make it happen (feeling this a lot lately) and today I received it! It sparked so much joy in me just to unbox it! C'mon... it's Ellen... even if it was just chock-full of bubble wrap I would still be grinning from ear to ear. And the fact that I had no idea what the contents were made the unboxing all the more anticipative!

Ellen's note

I count the card with a note and signature by her an item on its own! Hahaha... the main point of the card is probably the descriptions of all the items within but this slightly bigger than A5 square tri-fold card with her gorgeous image on the cover is something I will treasure like all my Hello Kitty items!

Diff Eyewear

Aviator sunglasses! Haven't had one for a while and with every pair, the gift of sight is provided to someone in need. 👍 The hubby caught me at the moment when I was trying it on and pointed out that it would look better on him... so anniversary gift for him settled!

Vahdam Teas

Tumeric teas! Great timing when I am just trying to include more tumeric into our diet... Not sure if it will really be "BEST. TEA. EVER." as she put it but revenue goes towards education of the Indian tea growers' children - the educator in me approves! 

Quartet

A lasting dry-erase pad. Hmmm.... what will I do with my endless supply of scrap paper then? Hahaha... but I love the little message already on it... maybe I will just leave it there.... 🤔

Lotus Bags

Something that I have already decided against buying but lovely to actually own some! At least a percentage of profits is channeled to environmental charities.

BE KIND. Umbrella

Something from the Ellen Shop! So in the end I do own an Ellen merchandise after all. A straightforward reminder "when it's downpouring, literally and metaphorically". Certainly apt in the current Covid-19 situation. Can't wait to use it!

Little Renegades

Cards with basic mindfulness techniques for the little ones. Will definitely try them with Dylan and Erica and I imagine the cards will be very useful too if I take on some kids yoga classes...

Endangered Species Chocolate

Dark chocolates! Though not quite the percentage I prefer (these being only 55%) but helping gorillas (Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund) while enjoying a treat? Priceless.

Kind Lips

Lip balms that remind you to #SaySomethingKind and support anti-bullying initiatives. If I am still a teacher, this would be a consequence for any bully who does not understand how to shut up when you have nothing nice to say. Any teacher friends want them?


And that's it! The last time I was this excited about a parcel was when I ordered my leather backpack from Kickstarter. I am really not into online shopping but I think today I finally experienced a little of what regular Taobao kings and queens do with their consignments... 

Thank you Ellen! For being such an inspiration and beacon of light to me and to the world. I love my BE KIND box and I am so blessed to get it for my birthday!!!!!

My comfort zone

I think it started when I joined Dance Synergy in my uni days. The awfully shy and quiet girl took the plunge and signed up to potentially embarrass herself on stage. Maybe it was because no audition was required but I really do not know what made me do it, I did not even had a friend to attend the first session with. But there was no turning back from then.

Dancing liberated me in so many ways and taking that first step out of my then comfort zone seemingly destroyed the entire concept of comfort zone for me. It seems nothing became too scary or out of the norm for me. I travelled alone, became a The Little Gym instructor, drove in Europe, picked up pole dancing and performed in public places, slept in an airport, tried cliff diving, went sky diving, juggled work and studies to earn a Master's, cycled to work, roughed it out in Nepal, Bhutan and India, swam with tiger sharks without a cage, broke my own iron bowl to become a certified yoga instructor, started learning a new language at nearly 40....

I considered myself to be fairly adventurous and pretty adaptable. I dislike routines and enjoy making small changes such as taking a different route to a regular place or answering friends' query on what to eat with "surprise me!" and accepting invitations to events spontaneously. It has been a very long time since I thought of myself as stuck in my comfort zone.

Until I was in Jai's yoga class.

I have been practising yoga for about 10 years and am definitely more stretched and flexible than when I first started because I strive to be so. During my YICC, I was also more at ease in achieving most of the poses compared to the rest of my coursemates. No, I am probably nowhere near the standard of yoga gurus or professional yogis but I would not think that I am stuck in my yoga comfort zone.

Until Jai instructed us to do Chaturanga in reverse, challenged us to perfect the basic Utkatasana (chair pose), guided us to perform Surya Namaskar (Sun Salutations) with Kumbhaka. My limbs were shaking, my steady breath was quickening and it was definitely fear I felt when my lungs screamed for oxygen, reminding me of the time I was at Tulamben. Jai could see we were all struggling and he pep-talked us to constantly confront our limits, to go further and not stay in our comfort zones because yoga is more than just the poses.

Wow. At that instant, I realised I do have my own comfort zone and I was very reluctant to step out of it. What he was asking us to do was really difficult and practically impossible for me to do and made me want to just give up and go straight to Savasana. I realised that precisely because of all the seemingly "uncomfortable" things that I had done in the past 20 years, I conjured up this false belief that I do not have a comfort zone when nothing is further from the truth. Once again, yoga helped me learn more about myself.

Then it was not hard to see the boundary of my comfort zone in other aspects - career, relationships - it is a revelation. And after I recovered from the initial shock of the discovery, I learnt it is not a bad thing to be in your comfort zone. It is an essential personal safe place for each of us to retreat to when the world gets too much to handle.

I am thankful for my comfort zone which, well, has expanded quite a bit with every "uncomfortable" thing I did achieved. I am probably still not ready (physically and mentally) to accomplish all that Jai expects of us but I am pretty certain that the competitive edge in me will not allow me to just settle. But it is good to be able to acknowledge to myself that I do have a comfort zone and have a clearer idea of where my limitations lie so rather than trying to eliminate it I can further expand it.

Plastic Free July

So for the whole of last month, I decided to put a focus on plastic. The #plasticfreejuly movement has actually started way back in 2011 but I only heard about it on 1st July this year through one of the many environmental advocacy groups I follow. Although it felt late in the game but the idea of being part of the solution really resonated with me so I joined the challenge!

Since embarking on this journey to reduce waste, especially plastic, I have seen enough responses and reactions to know that my efforts will not always be appreciated. So it is certainly a challenge - not so much the actions of reducing plastic but to be prepared to be rejected or even ridiculed. But since the decision was made, I committed to it by changing my profile picture and cover page on Facebook and basically made an online declaration about it.

I do like this year's logo which included a turtle. That video of a turtle suffering with a straw in its nose was probably what started me off on this journey in the first place. What better image to use as a profile picture right? And for the cover page, I applied my creative juices on Canva once again to design my very own with a slogan to boot!

Initially I really thought I would be posting and hashtagging every single day but as I wanted to be authentic and only to relate something I personally do, finding something to post everyday was not easy at all. But I tried my best and really made an effort to at least set some time each day to consider what I could share and managed to post something on Facebook 13 days out of 31 days.

Perhaps because I was conscious of the possible backlash, the text accompanying my posts are "mild"? Well, I am always super conscious about what I post online anyway... I hoped I came across as encouraging rather than imposing and more often than not, I included my failures and shortcomings in my attempts to show how this journey will not be easy but not impossible. Because (see image)

Where I held back in my written stories to the images and posts, I was consistent in the hashtags that accompanied them. #plasticfreejuly is a given. #byobsg and #saynotosingleuseplastic are almost always relevant. #consciouschoices is one I came up with as I realised it was exactly what most people are not making which contributed to the problem. And finally #motherearthisworththeinconvenience is one I thought up last year when I posted about my experience reducing waste for a camp in school because our mother earth really is worth it. 

I am really glad I did it though I was not sure how much of an impact I made. For most posts, I received a range of 5 to 14 likes, usually from the same people. The most likes I received was for a post on OCK [19 likes] - was it because many people liked OCK or the way to avoid plastic using a silicon bag was the easiest to implement? And I received almost no comments at all save for the last one on supposedly zerowaste items I bought for home. I received one comment. So I was not able to start conversations either.

I suppose all these are within my (lowered) expectations. And like a teacher who will never know the extent of the influence he or she has on students, perhaps, hopefully I have planted some seeds of change in some minds in this short time of a month.

7. Dylan and Erica need to trust, at a very early age, that home is safe.

Dylan and Erica are past "a very early age" but they do already trust that home is safe. Today at school-going age, they both are pretty confident and outgoing kiddos. My brother and sister-in-law are certainly doing a great job in this area.

I am pretty impressed by my brother who takes extra time to give each of them separate swimming "tuition" on top of swimming classes they attend with a swim coach. More than just ensuring they learn how to swim, I believe those one-to-one sessions are when he bonds with them individually. Bet he does not know that even science suggests that his actions are going to make Dylan and Erica smarter and better behaved!

This is one aspect, from my years of experience as a teacher, I learn is one of the most important aspects that any parent must take care of. A child will simply have difficulties growing up well-adjusted without a supportive and nurturing environment at home. There are so many "problematic" youngsters acting out in school because they lack the care and attention at home.

For children to be the bright future we expect them to be, we first have to ensure that we adults are providing a safe haven at home for them. Unfortunately there are many unprepared or even unwilling parents out there. Thankfully, and hopefully, the percentage of that group of parents is small compared to the parents I personally know who care a great deal about how to bring up their children!

Just to add, I do not see a safe environment to only be possible in a typical family nucleus with a father and a mother. I know of many atypical families of single parent and even same sex parents who probably do a better job at creating trust at home for their children than many of the "normal" family type I came across at school. The point is, if you have choose to bring a child to life, do it properly?!