What kind of books keep you up at night?

Been a while since I wrote a book review; Had done a few as an English Language teacher. Check out here and here. Wrote this one for NLB Book Review Challenge (200 words limit 😅) when I chanced upon it while reading the book. Really enjoyed this one. 💖 If you don't mind a preloved book, I can pass on the book to you! And just found out there is a TV movie based on the book!

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"Photography is all about secrets. The secrets we all have and will never tell."

"You can't stop time. You can't capture light. You can only turn your face up and let it rain down."

"A moment was not a single moment at all, but rather an infinite number of different moments, depending on who was seeing things and how." 

The very first thing that drew me to this book was its cover. On hindsight, the beautiful imaginary of the transparent dress perfectly reflects the theme of the daughter who is present yet as good as invisible. I also agree with the idea of photography portrayed as a means of holding memories and find myself nodding along whenever this theme is explored. I especially love the author’s artistry in describing landscapes, scenes, moments, and even the emotions of the characters to the point of making them almost tangible. It had been a meditation like experience for me reading this book as it demands full attention to its vivid description and suspenseful plot. The book was set in the late 20^th century and it is sad to note that the stigma attached to mental conditions and Down Syndrome had scarcely reduced since then. I can only hope that readers of the book may be positively impacted and better empathise with people having such conditions.

A Tiktok Trend I Like

Disclaimer: I do not have Tiktok and still have not figured it out yet. 

I had to Google for Tiktok trends and only a few look remotely familiar and nothing really stood out or caught my attention. 

If I have to choose a trend that I like, the #selfcare hashtag resonates with me. Can't stress enough the importance of mental health awareness. 

There is one Tiktok related news (or is it a trend?) that made me so happy reading it that I shared it on Facebook. This really is using the platform for good. So glad Mr Derlin's enthusiasm did not go unnoticed and he totally deserved that tip! 

More such stories please.... Faith in humanity renewed! 

How are you? Are you really ok?

<<I was challenged by a friend to raise awareness for PTSD earlier this month. I didn't feel up to that particular challenge 🤣 but I do want to speak out for all who may be suffering from mental illnesses and/or anxiety disorders. So here is me rising to the challenge in a different format. >>

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression are anxiety disorders listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the principal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. They are recognised conditions by experts so first and foremost we need to understand that people with these conditions are REALLY unable to just "get over it".

There are many good online resources explaining the details such as this one by SingHealth. Or you may prefer to watch the TED Talk video on it. Interestingly, almost all the Google search results and resources from Singapore focus on identifying symptoms and recommending treatments while the top result from a non-SG website is Time To Change whose focus is to end mental health discrimination. 

Time To Change has great suggestions for people who want to help and even an entire section on Personal Stories for people with mental conditions to share their experiences. It is also where I learnt to ask twice when checking in on people you are concerned about, hence the title of this blog. In Singapore, we have the Beyond The Label initiative by NCSS which I was only reminded of from Berni's Facebook post. So yes, raising awareness for this greatly misunderstood condition is the why I am writing this blog post.

Here are some of my personal experiences with mental conditions.

I have always been a rather emotional person. When I was younger, breaking up was so devastating to me emotionally that I probably slipped into depression a couple of times. I remembered distinctly one particular episode when I was working as The Little Gym instructor. To be professional, my job requires me to be energetic and approachable in front of full classes of up to 24 adults and children for 45 minutes stretch. I would be able to execute that, holding back tears and emotions when they threatened, and then totally break down behind closed doors right after the end of a class. Oh yes I handled it, if you call that handling it. I lost my appetite, grew really thin, and somewhat functioned in a zombie-like state. My dad, at a loss of what else to do, for the first time in our lives, wrote me an encouragement card in Mandarin.

Once, when I was eating a meal by myself, a stranger asked to join my table which I agreed. We started chatting but it became increasingly uncomfortable. When I tried to leave, he refused to let me out of his sight, put his arm around me and touched my bare skin. I was horrified and felt totally helpless even though it was broad daylight in a shopping center. It was only when I walked towards a security guard and voiced my objection did he let me go. I was shaking and crying as I recounted the incident at the police station, my best friend by my side. It is only today as I read this HealthHub webpage on post-traumatic stress reactions am I able to put a name to all that I felt and experienced for that period of time. 

During my career as a secondary school teacher, I shed tears on many occasions. Sometimes they were due to difficult students in challenging classes. There were moments when I felt ineffective in helping those under my charge. And there were times it seemed nothing I did would or could ever make a positive difference for those who I care deeply about. I am aware that I am a sensitive person. Pastoral care sessions in school were often my undoing. But I generally attribute those salty water to my disposition and in fact believe they are beneficial. However, one of my supervisors became concerned and suggested psychotherapy. So I received treatment. Initially I was slightly affected by the stigma and did not tell anyone about these sessions. But hey, now you know, I needed help to manage my emotions and those sessions with a certified psychologist really helped me.

A close friend of mine had turned to me when she was suffering from an anxiety attack. For a while, I held space for her, listened and supported her. As much as I love her, when the frequency of these distress calls kept increasing, I became impatient with her and even wanted to distance myself from her. Not proud to admit that I had judged her negatively in her time of need. Yet, it is also important to recognise that caring for someone with mental conditions is not easy and I have to acknowledge these mixed feelings I had towards her. Still love her!

Wow... quite a catharsis for me in penning this post. Then again, writing often is. But I hope I have also achieved my aim to raise awareness for PTSD, and mental conditions in general. Let's do our part to end mental health discrimination. Be kind to one another and spread love. 🎔