Aurelius

No, not Dumbledore. Although that was probably where I truly first heard of this name.. I remember relishing the way Johnny Depp enunciated it for Ezra Miller (start at 3:59).

Had not even registered it while watching Gladiator... He was already put in such a good light in that movie... What an unfortunate way for a great man to pass but his death as shown in the movie is not verified.

It is just this year when I was reading "The Power of Now" that I first came across the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius and Stoicism. I was so blown away by how it resonated with me that it earned an entire page entry in my bujo. 

That was my reminder to dig deep into stoicism but it is only just now that I remember and make another resolution to get the book! Which is really saying something because books are one category of things that I do not really buy anymore. Although I love reading physical books over Kindle, they often feel like clutter at home because they are so rarely picked up. I only kept a very small selection of books that I do not think I will ever let go. And now I am certain, this book has earned its space in my house before I have even read it entirely.

So, what jolted my memory again? For the month of June, I have been reading one book a day according to a suggested "30 Must-Read Books before you turn 50" list. Really not a speedy reader so just summaries of the listed books. 😅 Really gained quite some useful knowledge, even from books I would never have picked up from a shelf ("The 48 Laws of Power"?!?!) on my own.

Recommended book for day 24 is "Meditations". The list does not include authors (and there was no need to because it is always evident which best seller the title refers to) and I had thought this was going to be a yoga-related book but it is actually by that Aurelius this post is dedicated to. 😍 Also interesting that I am currently writing this post on the same land where his wife had died...

Usually, I would peruse a few summaries for the book of the day and draw up my own summary, noting the key points, into my bujo. For this particular entry, I noted that this book is "a collection of personal notes which was never meant for publication" and a command to "READ IT!"

I can't wait to get my hands on it! But first I need to decide which translation.....

a bucket list item that i can never tick off

I don't actually upkeep a physical copy but I do have a bucket list. Many items are quite typical and I am proud to say I have ticked off quite a few "riskier" ones - skydiving!!

This particular item on the list was not exactly difficult to achieve. Pre-Covid, the husband had even alluded to the possibility of making this dream of mine a reality. Although it requires neither guts nor strength, it will take planning, time, money and lots of luck too..

There was one particular period years ago when weekdays 5pm was sacred to me. I did not want to be anywhere else other than in front of the TV. It was one hour for me to escape. My me-time when no matter how the earlier work day had been, I got to let my hair down, dance, laugh, cry and recharge for another day. 

At some point, I told myself "I want to, I got to watch this live". 

As it was not as easy as taking a bus to Caldecott Hill, for the longest time I made do with the recorded, (overly-censored) and televised versions and became quite the fan. 

Case in point: blue had always been my least favourite colour but I began to take a liking to the blue associated with the show.

 

When work made it impossible to catch the show regularly, I binge-watched it on YouTube or wherever and whenever I can. I gushed over it and her a lot. So much so that two different friends bought her book for me separately.

When the possible plan of watching the show live got dashed with the pandemic, I indulged myself with her signature gift box as a 40th birthday gift to myself. It was a real indulgence when I found out the postage cost.

I was still hopeful about ticking off this item on the bucket list when I was unboxing my present. 

But the last episode had been filmed and aired. The end of a season, forever.

Feeling incredibly sad. Not just because I am now unable to tick off this item. Also what had led to this end. How my faith in my most favourite person in the world had wavered. How I had thought Ellen could be anything more than human. 

I still love you. Be kind to one another. Right back at you.

that gut feeling is actually intuition lah

Sunning my damp note

Last week after our tuition session, my tutee discovered that he had misplaced the fifty dollars note meant to be my payment. He became flustered as he most likely dropped it along the way from the drop-off point to where we were and come on who wouldn't pick up $50 off the ground!?

Anyway, I suggested retracing his steps to look for it although I agreed that the note was unlikely to be found anymore. We searched the path but I kept looking into the flower beds and off the path too as if there is a chance to still find it, it would be in an obscure place. 

He got more and more worried ("my dad is gonna kill me!") as we got closer to the end point. I, on the other hand, suddenly, very clearly, had "a very good feeling that we are going to find it". I remembered smiling to myself at that point and telling him so. 

We walked the last stretch to the drop-off point and he was pulling his hair out when I looked into the last drain that I intended to look and behold!! There it was!! I made him do all the dirty work to retrieve my payment. 😝 

So damp fifty dollars note in hand, I was musing on how once upon a time I was not even able to understand what people meant when they said they have a gut feeling about something. It was just inconceivable to my logical brain. And now I am today's years old that I can wholeheartedly believe a feeling that defies logic and plausibility! It felt bloody damn good to be proven right!

I thought it was a gut feeling that I had about finding the note but the more accurate term is actually intuition. Learnt quite a fair bit about the differences between the two but regardless what I call it, tuning in was never something I was good at. 

 When I first read Malcolm Gladwell's Blink, I was simultaneously amazed and distraught. Amazed by how eloquently he put into words ideas that seemed impossible to explain and distraught that I was so very far from capitalising on my does-it-even-exist inner voice. 

Is it an age thing? Come to think of it, I can also remember one time I practically literally felt butterflies in the stomach, which will be closer to that gut feeling I supposed. Or another time I felt my heart turned cold. It is becoming more in tune with what is happening inside instead of having that drowned out by what is happening outside. 

Well, I like being able to trust my intuition 😏

Year End Ramblings

 I just returned home from dropping off a rather heavy bag of edible goodies at a collection point for IRR #WeHaveADream. 

Actually it was not in my plans to contribute to it. I am kind of a wet blanket during this festivity because Christmas gifting simply feels too wasteful. I have practically taken a total hands-off approach. This has messed with my head a little especially when I felt like the only outsider amidst a worldwide celebration. I did not receive many gifts this year (or for some years now) probably because my friends know how I feel about it (or maybe because they know they will not get any from me? 🤣)

I contemplated getting holiday themed cheesecakes for my colleagues because good food can always be enjoyed and less likely to be wasted. But a few factors put me off it and sometimes when things are not going smoothly I do not wish to force it to make it happen. Does anyone ever get this feeling?? Or is it just me being stingy again?

Well, one of the factors is that we already have so many gifts of chocolates, sweets and biscuits from our very generous clients/customers/kids! There really was no way we could have finished all of it at work and it was suggested that we bring them home but none of us was exactly thrilled with that idea either.

I saw a win-win solution. It is not the first time I found myself in such a position where my connections and knowledge solved a problem and/or fulfilled a need. The IRR initiative is available in the public domain and despite news coverage on them, who they are and what they do is not that widely known. Or perhaps it is just my crazily deep desire that nothing goes to waste that made me put two and two together.

So that is how I came to contribute, or rather, how my colleagues and I donated and hopefully put smiles on the faces of some migrant workers!

Which brings me to the concept of regifting because that is basically what we did. It is definitely not my first time but I have come a long way from feeling guilty about it to doing it appropriately. Let's make this a norm already!!

 

The images taken at the Bishan Salvation Army Donation Booth have been widely shared these few days. This situation can be avoided if we can move away from the R of recycle towards the R of reduce. Or apply the R of rethink right now and consider regifting those items that are on the wishlist of #WeHaveADream! 

The initiative runs till 10 Jan 2022 so do take the time to review what brand new items you have that might be an essential but out-of-budget item for the very people who are helping to build our nation. Alternatively, they are still accepting ReDiscover vouchers too! You only have 2 days left before they go to waste!!

VWYW

Today I stepped into a changing room of a retail shop. The full length mirror and hooks on the wall looked oddly strange yet familiar. I could not recall when was the last time I stepped into one. That is how long ago since I last did any shopping. Not because of the pandemic restrictions, not because I switched to online shopping (I find it difficult to buy clothes without trying them first) but for environmental reasons. 

I totally subscribe to the new Rs of sustainability. The most familiar 3Rs - reduce, reuse and recycle - are just not sufficient anymore. The number one R that can truly make a difference is refuse. I refuse to indulge my past careless purchases of clothing which are left forgotten in the wardrobe. I have no qualms about taking over second hand clothes so I do refresh my wardrobe when absolutely necessary, just not with brand new items off the rack. I shop at Fashion Pulpit!

So why am I buying something brand new off the shelves?! An unforeseen circumstance had left me no time to get home to retrieve an essential clothing so this purchase is out of a need to fulfill a work requirement. I was already at a mall then so it definitely made more sense to make a purchase than to make a detour back home for something easily found where I was.

I am quite thrifty (read: stingy although I also have to acknowledge that branded items tend to be of better quality and therefore last longer which will actually be more sustainable) so while browsing the price was a major factor which I kept track of as I went from shop to shop. Nothing seemed to fit in my budget. At the final shop, I had quite a few choices of a range of prices which were still not within my budget but something else caught my eye. 

RECYCLED POLYESTER FROM POST CONSUMER WASTE 

 I went straight for the changing room. I had picked out three different styles each with the abovementioned label. It fits. It fulfilled the need. I paid for the least expensive one I had tried even though it was not the cheapest I saw from all the shops I went to. At that moment, I realised I just voted with my wallet. However pretty soon, I started to doubt if voting with your wallet (VWYW) can really make a difference, especially by a consumer who is not willing to spend much in the first place. Hahaha! There is also the issue of greenwashing to consider...

Well, I do need to spend that money and I would really rather be supporting companies that attempt to help the environment than those that are just out to maximise profits. It just feels like the right thing to do despite the uncertainty of its effectiveness. Or I can even say that it personally feels wrong to buy anything else when I know I have this option now. Anyway, I see it as an advantage in simplifying my decision making process.

This seems to suggest that I might have worried for nothing. Good to know. And oooo.... there are quite a few Certified B Corporations in Singapore I can knock on the doors of!

Completing a challenge

Have you heard of the Photo-a-day challenge? I can proudly proclaim that I have completed this challenge for the month of November! I decided to take up this challenge as I could sense my mood turning darker along with the increasingly depressive situation we were facing. And I have to say the challenge really did helped to improve the mood. At the very least, it gave me something to look forward to every single day for the past 30 days,

Actually having had a couple of fairly accomplished photographers as partners previously, I had been more used to being in front of a professional camera rather than behind it. But now that we all have a camera phone, I rather enjoy applying my aesthetic eye to capture snapshots of memories worth keeping. (Though I also believe in being fully present in the moment rather than experiencing life through a lens.)

So I really had quite some fun looking for models and objects each day, playing with angles and even filters (since I had been uploading the photos to Instagram) that I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fun project to do. Sometimes, just browsing the relevant hashtags can yield some interesting pictures too! It is a bonus that it helped to fill up my rather empty Instagram account. Ha!

Disclaimer: I did feel slightly stressed on some days when it felt impossible to fulfill the theme/prompt given my schedule for the day. Case in point, how to find waves when I know I will be nowhere near the sea that day?!?! I also kind of failed on two occasions even though I did produce an image on both days. On the day that I was to take a picture of something I do everyday, I shared an accomplishment on Two Dots rather than take a picture. On hindsight, I could have taken a photo of me chewing or breathing too. For the day that the prompt was this season, I was adamant to wait for heavy rain which of course did not happen that particular day...

I am already thinking about doing a 365 version one. Perhaps with a twist by including one object that will feature in every single photo.... like Mr Tan Chuan Jin's Parley.... hmmm..... 

 

 

when you love two languages..

Growing up in a Chinese/Hokkien speaking household, my grasp of the English language was never as good as that of my Mother Tongue. Learning Higher Chinese during my secondary school days had also deepened my love for this difficult and challenging but oh-so-incredible language. I am constantly amazed how a few characters in a single idiom can often convey so much more than the sum of its parts.

 

One would expect that if I am a language teacher, I would be teaching Chinese but fortuitously I had a take-it-or-leave-it offer to teach English when I applied to be a teacher. At times, I still feel like a fraud to call myself an English teacher when it is not something that comes naturally to me. The number of times I checked and re-checked the dictionary and thesaurus to write a single blog post is proof. Yet, having undergone that training started an unexpected love affair.

 

I love both languages. And I have come to realise that rather than identifying myself with either of them, it is more crucial to recognise the importance of language(s) as part of communication. Personally, effective communication is THE most important life skill everyone should acquire. So much wasted effort and unnecessary anguish can be avoided if what is said is received as intended.

  

Well, because I love both languages, I often try to make sense of the world, what I read, what I hear, through both medium. For example, I may watch a movie in English but constantly read the accompanying Chinese subtitles to get a deeper understanding. I enjoy such translation so much that I had offered to do translation (both ways) during volunteering stints! 

 

So recently, I was indulging in one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite artistes when I felt inspired to translate the song lyrics. Initially, I thought I would need to refer to other attempts (Mr Google really can find anything) but in the end, I was able to craft my own translation in its entirety rather fluidly. I was only concerned about not losing the original meaning (or at least my interpretation of it) that I did not bother about how my translation will fit back in the song. Look at this gem of a website I found! Such a great way to learn a new language if you enjoy singing too!!

   

I suppose it is not too difficult to guess which Chinese song I have translated especially since it is also the theme song for a famous fabulous movie! As a Physics teacher, I wonder if the songwriter had misunderstood the definition of light year to be a measurement of time rather than that of distance... but who cares! The song is beautiful and her singing is flawless!

 

What do you think of my translation? 

 

Beyond Light Years 

relishing the caress of your fingertips on my hair
it freezes time instantaneously
etching the focus of your determined eyes upon mine
there may already be no tomorrow 

compared to the vast galaxies of stars
we are more minute than dust
floating drifting in helplessness 

fate brought us together far from the madding crowd
destiny had us falling in love amidst distress
perhaps a future is far beyond light years
i am willing to keep a vigil for you in this uncertainty 

i never imagine how crazy i will get for you
without you disasters and calamities can claim my life
i am already mad in the mind for you
without you pulses and heartbeats are inconsequential 

one embrace by your loving arms
protects me from the whirlwind of life
one bond of passionate relentlessness
fires up that eternal flame of hope 

the universe is majestic yet aloof
our love is infinitesimal but brilliant
tremulous but oh so selfless 

perhaps to deviate from the course is a dream that can never come to fruition
far from the madding crowd we only belong to each other