a bucket list item that i can never tick off

I don't actually upkeep a physical copy but I do have a bucket list. Many items are quite typical and I am proud to say I have ticked off quite a few "riskier" ones - skydiving!!

This particular item on the list was not exactly difficult to achieve. Pre-Covid, the husband had even alluded to the possibility of making this dream of mine a reality. Although it requires neither guts nor strength, it will take planning, time, money and lots of luck too..

There was one particular period years ago when weekdays 5pm was sacred to me. I did not want to be anywhere else other than in front of the TV. It was one hour for me to escape. My me-time when no matter how the earlier work day had been, I got to let my hair down, dance, laugh, cry and recharge for another day. 

At some point, I told myself "I want to, I got to watch this live". 

As it was not as easy as taking a bus to Caldecott Hill, for the longest time I made do with the recorded, (overly-censored) and televised versions and became quite the fan. 

Case in point: blue had always been my least favourite colour but I began to take a liking to the blue associated with the show.

 

When work made it impossible to catch the show regularly, I binge-watched it on YouTube or wherever and whenever I can. I gushed over it and her a lot. So much so that two different friends bought her book for me separately.

When the possible plan of watching the show live got dashed with the pandemic, I indulged myself with her signature gift box as a 40th birthday gift to myself. It was a real indulgence when I found out the postage cost.

I was still hopeful about ticking off this item on the bucket list when I was unboxing my present. 

But the last episode had been filmed and aired. The end of a season, forever.

Feeling incredibly sad. Not just because I am now unable to tick off this item. Also what had led to this end. How my faith in my most favourite person in the world had wavered. How I had thought Ellen could be anything more than human. 

I still love you. Be kind to one another. Right back at you.