How are you? Are you really ok?

<<I was challenged by a friend to raise awareness for PTSD earlier this month. I didn't feel up to that particular challenge 🤣 but I do want to speak out for all who may be suffering from mental illnesses and/or anxiety disorders. So here is me rising to the challenge in a different format. >>

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression are anxiety disorders listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the principal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. They are recognised conditions by experts so first and foremost we need to understand that people with these conditions are REALLY unable to just "get over it".

There are many good online resources explaining the details such as this one by SingHealth. Or you may prefer to watch the TED Talk video on it. Interestingly, almost all the Google search results and resources from Singapore focus on identifying symptoms and recommending treatments while the top result from a non-SG website is Time To Change whose focus is to end mental health discrimination. 

Time To Change has great suggestions for people who want to help and even an entire section on Personal Stories for people with mental conditions to share their experiences. It is also where I learnt to ask twice when checking in on people you are concerned about, hence the title of this blog. In Singapore, we have the Beyond The Label initiative by NCSS which I was only reminded of from Berni's Facebook post. So yes, raising awareness for this greatly misunderstood condition is the why I am writing this blog post.

Here are some of my personal experiences with mental conditions.

I have always been a rather emotional person. When I was younger, breaking up was so devastating to me emotionally that I probably slipped into depression a couple of times. I remembered distinctly one particular episode when I was working as The Little Gym instructor. To be professional, my job requires me to be energetic and approachable in front of full classes of up to 24 adults and children for 45 minutes stretch. I would be able to execute that, holding back tears and emotions when they threatened, and then totally break down behind closed doors right after the end of a class. Oh yes I handled it, if you call that handling it. I lost my appetite, grew really thin, and somewhat functioned in a zombie-like state. My dad, at a loss of what else to do, for the first time in our lives, wrote me an encouragement card in Mandarin.

Once, when I was eating a meal by myself, a stranger asked to join my table which I agreed. We started chatting but it became increasingly uncomfortable. When I tried to leave, he refused to let me out of his sight, put his arm around me and touched my bare skin. I was horrified and felt totally helpless even though it was broad daylight in a shopping center. It was only when I walked towards a security guard and voiced my objection did he let me go. I was shaking and crying as I recounted the incident at the police station, my best friend by my side. It is only today as I read this HealthHub webpage on post-traumatic stress reactions am I able to put a name to all that I felt and experienced for that period of time. 

During my career as a secondary school teacher, I shed tears on many occasions. Sometimes they were due to difficult students in challenging classes. There were moments when I felt ineffective in helping those under my charge. And there were times it seemed nothing I did would or could ever make a positive difference for those who I care deeply about. I am aware that I am a sensitive person. Pastoral care sessions in school were often my undoing. But I generally attribute those salty water to my disposition and in fact believe they are beneficial. However, one of my supervisors became concerned and suggested psychotherapy. So I received treatment. Initially I was slightly affected by the stigma and did not tell anyone about these sessions. But hey, now you know, I needed help to manage my emotions and those sessions with a certified psychologist really helped me.

A close friend of mine had turned to me when she was suffering from an anxiety attack. For a while, I held space for her, listened and supported her. As much as I love her, when the frequency of these distress calls kept increasing, I became impatient with her and even wanted to distance myself from her. Not proud to admit that I had judged her negatively in her time of need. Yet, it is also important to recognise that caring for someone with mental conditions is not easy and I have to acknowledge these mixed feelings I had towards her. Still love her!

Wow... quite a catharsis for me in penning this post. Then again, writing often is. But I hope I have also achieved my aim to raise awareness for PTSD, and mental conditions in general. Let's do our part to end mental health discrimination. Be kind to one another and spread love. 🎔

T-talks over K-dramas and N-flixs

During long commutes on public transport, beside Two Dots, I really enjoy my TED app.

On this particular day, out of the long list of suggested videos, Alejandro Duran's "How I use art to tackle plastic pollution in our ocean" caught my attention. Of course, the issue of plastic pollution has been on the forefront of my mind and especially so having witnessed the devastation on many of my dives in various parts of the South East Asia. This is exceptionally intriguing as it brings in the art aspect which I enjoy too!

The beauty of TED is it suggests other related and relevant videos right after you finish one. Having only completed a quarter of my journey, I let Jason deCaires Taylor's "An underwater art museum, teeming with life" to play. It reminded me of a phrase I heard from Dr Goodall about the "resilience of nature". Naturally (pun intended), she finds her own way regardless on land or under the sea.

The next video which continued to play was Zaria Forman's "Drawings that show the beauty and fragility of Earth". From the coldest and most remote of oceans to beautiful low-lying islands, nowhere is spared from the damaging effect of human behavior.

I chose the first video because I wanted to know how others deal with this seemingly unsolvable issue of pollution. By the end of the third video, I definitely felt uplifted. Which is really why I enjoy TED talks so much. To be made aware of amazing people, incredible projects and unimaginable ideas from all over the world every single day. Watching one TED talk is actually an item on my daily habit tracker list.

Perhaps none of the three speakers, all of them artists, made any direct difference in the production of plastic or the pace of climate change but I can see the potential impact of their art. Art is not useless. In fact, I feel it is very relevant. In our current situation, we need to tug the heartstrings more than ever to effect change. The work of these artists are beyond words and I can't think of a better way to stir emotions than being dumbfounded by what you experience.

I hope to participate in a beach cleaning that yields art materials, and personally swim through the underwater art museum, and behold the magnificence of the finger painter's compositions. Three items on my bucket list which would not come to be if not for these short and sweet TED talks.

What have you learnt from TED recently?