Books - Borders - Beatitude

Visited The Book Barracks today. What a beautiful place. You know how when you come into a space and just know that you belong? That is how I felt when I stepped into The Book Barracks. It is the little details. Signs handmade with love. Tibetan prayer flags. Namaste. I still have fond memories of my first time in Nepal. 

Just like the founder of Books Beyond Borders. I remember the children, gorgeous little beings with rosy cheeks and cheerful eyes. But unlike the founder, I did not go on to run a successful social enterprise. Amazing what passion and a heart to give can achieve. Truly inspiring, and very inspired. 

I generally prefer to borrow books from the library or source from Books Don't Throw if I have particular titles in mind. Very often I just read what is available if the title or cover piques my interest. But when I do wish to buy a book, I am so glad there is Books Beyond Borders that allows me to get a pre-loved one and do good at the same time! 

A special shoutout to Yu Xuan for her assistance in my quest for this Meditation book. When I first reached out, I was informed that they do not have it but I received another message the following day that they just got one! I will call that beatitude! 

Had actually walked out of the cozy shop after making my purchase but felt so compelled to put up this post, I returned and asked Yu Xuan for a photo! Thus here's rounding up my fastest blog post of books, borders and beatitude. 😉

Devotion

 I fell in love with the concept of combining yoga and dance the first time I watched this video more than a year ago. Two movements close to my heart seamlessly intertwined together and flawlessly performed by the instructor. I had resolved there and then to master it when I was sharing the video and regretfully did nothing for a year.

 So Facebook reminded me of it recently and I was mesmerized all over again. This time I meticulously watched and rewatched it and penned down the sequence of the poses. The song is beautiful. Then I practised it multiple times before I finally remembered to apply the basic 8 counts for dance choreography. Ha! The whole sequence is barely 4 minutes but by the time I could do one time without referring to the video, I was sweating buckets! It felt so good.

 Today after 45 minutes worth of sun salutations, I decided to end off with this 舞极流 instead of savasana. Actually I have never forgotten my love for dancing but that has definitely taken a back seat now that yoga feels so much more accessible. As I watched myself performing it, trying to ignore all the wobbling, unpointed toes and wrinkled forehead, one word came through to me.

 Last month, I wrote down a Sadhguru's quote on devotion. Somehow it called to me when I chanced upon it even though I did not fully understand it. It just felt like something that I need, something I will benefit from. Precisely because I had never understood it or accepted it, or the idea of faith which is a close synonym to devotion.

I had rejected religion. That of the older generation. Another of a few of my ex-es. I have no problem seeing the goodness in religions but that aspect of pure faith or total devotion just does not gel with the logical me. Yet, I am not an atheist. I consider myself spiritual. But even spirituality seems to require faith and devotion. That I struggle with...

 

Devotion
Lustful looks of one who lacks love.
Loving touch of a heart that is soaked in the infinite will.
The tenderness of heartless devotion.
Vast beyond the measure of an ocean.
Barrenness of one who knows not the grace of love and devotion.
All this and more are the ways of the creature called human.
Choose my beloved to be an ocean of devotion.
~Sadhguru

 

However, watching myself doing what I love.... I am starting to get a glimpse. 

Perhaps devotion to me is movement.

 

Shopping! Gifting? Choosing.

I love a good deal. Thus when I received the advert about additional discount and extra rebate by a particular departmental store, I knew I had to go as I had been eyeing this brand of shoes which they carry. Despite knowing that it was the Black Friday weekend, I was still taken aback by the queues. Queue to enter, queue to pay, queue for free wrapping, it was swarming with people. I was surprised and a little sad.

That brand of shoes (anothersole) had a special offer of 40% on second pair on top of the advertised markdown. I was tempted enough to start texting my family if anyone was keen but unfortunately (or fortunately?) they were not and the particular pair that I wanted had ran out of my size. 😦 I tried on other models which my big feet could fit but ultimately I chose not to get any.

However that was not why I felt sad. It had been a while since I went to the malls to shop. Standing among the crowds with incredible deals shouting for attention across four floors of the shopping centre, I could not help but wonder if it was consumerism at its worst. With Christmas just around the corner, it was almost certain that most of the purchases being rung up at the cashiers would end up as gifts. Gifts that sadly, more often than not end up unused and forgotten, therefore wasted.

 

Facebook memories recently reminded me that I shared the above infographic some years back. I think most of my family and friends know that I prefer not to receive gifts. I made it very plain what kind of memories I wish for (any chance to be up close and personal with Aaron or Kitty!) 🤣 I wish more people know of these alternatives. And my niece and nephew understand why they rarely get presents from this auntie.

Annual sales such as these also beg the question if one is really getting a good deal. The following meme got me laughing out loud and you got to admit that there is at least a nugget of truth in it! Unless you have been keeping track of the price of the item, how do you know that the discount stated was really a discount? It is so very easy to pick up other items in a big store since you are already there and you are already going to stand in the queue. Suddenly, something that was not on your shopping list becomes something the child of so-and-so might like for Christmas.

And I totally wish that this particular fantasy can become a reality. Even if it is not as serious as a mental illness, it is a fact that most people do not make conscious choices when it comes to buying things. It is on sale, buy. I can afford it, buy. Everyone has it, buy. That is so pretty, buy. What a fashion statement, buy. People will be so impressed, buy... 

If you do not care about how overconsumption is causing a strain on our only home's resources, at least consider how much you can save if you do not buy. 🤷 Start considering every want-to-buy-item in terms of "how long do I have to work for it" instead of how much money it cost. I realised I have unconsciously switched to this mode of thinking since becoming a paid-by-hour freelance teacher! 

So, choose to be a conscious consumer ok? 😼

How are you? Are you really ok?

<<I was challenged by a friend to raise awareness for PTSD earlier this month. I didn't feel up to that particular challenge 🤣 but I do want to speak out for all who may be suffering from mental illnesses and/or anxiety disorders. So here is me rising to the challenge in a different format. >>

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and depression are anxiety disorders listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), the principal authority for psychiatric diagnoses. They are recognised conditions by experts so first and foremost we need to understand that people with these conditions are REALLY unable to just "get over it".

There are many good online resources explaining the details such as this one by SingHealth. Or you may prefer to watch the TED Talk video on it. Interestingly, almost all the Google search results and resources from Singapore focus on identifying symptoms and recommending treatments while the top result from a non-SG website is Time To Change whose focus is to end mental health discrimination. 

Time To Change has great suggestions for people who want to help and even an entire section on Personal Stories for people with mental conditions to share their experiences. It is also where I learnt to ask twice when checking in on people you are concerned about, hence the title of this blog. In Singapore, we have the Beyond The Label initiative by NCSS which I was only reminded of from Berni's Facebook post. So yes, raising awareness for this greatly misunderstood condition is the why I am writing this blog post.

Here are some of my personal experiences with mental conditions.

I have always been a rather emotional person. When I was younger, breaking up was so devastating to me emotionally that I probably slipped into depression a couple of times. I remembered distinctly one particular episode when I was working as The Little Gym instructor. To be professional, my job requires me to be energetic and approachable in front of full classes of up to 24 adults and children for 45 minutes stretch. I would be able to execute that, holding back tears and emotions when they threatened, and then totally break down behind closed doors right after the end of a class. Oh yes I handled it, if you call that handling it. I lost my appetite, grew really thin, and somewhat functioned in a zombie-like state. My dad, at a loss of what else to do, for the first time in our lives, wrote me an encouragement card in Mandarin.

Once, when I was eating a meal by myself, a stranger asked to join my table which I agreed. We started chatting but it became increasingly uncomfortable. When I tried to leave, he refused to let me out of his sight, put his arm around me and touched my bare skin. I was horrified and felt totally helpless even though it was broad daylight in a shopping center. It was only when I walked towards a security guard and voiced my objection did he let me go. I was shaking and crying as I recounted the incident at the police station, my best friend by my side. It is only today as I read this HealthHub webpage on post-traumatic stress reactions am I able to put a name to all that I felt and experienced for that period of time. 

During my career as a secondary school teacher, I shed tears on many occasions. Sometimes they were due to difficult students in challenging classes. There were moments when I felt ineffective in helping those under my charge. And there were times it seemed nothing I did would or could ever make a positive difference for those who I care deeply about. I am aware that I am a sensitive person. Pastoral care sessions in school were often my undoing. But I generally attribute those salty water to my disposition and in fact believe they are beneficial. However, one of my supervisors became concerned and suggested psychotherapy. So I received treatment. Initially I was slightly affected by the stigma and did not tell anyone about these sessions. But hey, now you know, I needed help to manage my emotions and those sessions with a certified psychologist really helped me.

A close friend of mine had turned to me when she was suffering from an anxiety attack. For a while, I held space for her, listened and supported her. As much as I love her, when the frequency of these distress calls kept increasing, I became impatient with her and even wanted to distance myself from her. Not proud to admit that I had judged her negatively in her time of need. Yet, it is also important to recognise that caring for someone with mental conditions is not easy and I have to acknowledge these mixed feelings I had towards her. Still love her!

Wow... quite a catharsis for me in penning this post. Then again, writing often is. But I hope I have also achieved my aim to raise awareness for PTSD, and mental conditions in general. Let's do our part to end mental health discrimination. Be kind to one another and spread love. 🎔

Volunteering (on the day/in the name) of LOVE

This post is inspired by a couple of things - a newly minted video about #braveheartSG and a FB post by Dalai Lama a few hours ago. So you probably have watched the video before coming to this blog? Did you see me?!?! 😄😄

Dalai Lama says

Not only is it the case that happy people are more willing to help others, but as I generally point out, helping others is the best way to help yourself, the best way to promote your own happiness.
It is you, yourself, who will receive the benefit.

And that is really how I feel about volunteering. Many friends have commented that I am really kind and always helping others, doing a variety of different things to help people, animals and causes without asking anything in return. It appears a very big-hearted thing to do.

The truth is... , at least to some extent, it is a selfish act. I needed it. Many years back when I was a different depressive me, volunteerism saved me. Without it, I don't think I would have survived till now. I do not remember when but I had specifically thought to myself that I should not/would not/did not want to live past 40. It was very dark times.

I genuinely enjoy myself every time I am helping others. But more significantly, volunteerism opened my eyes to look past my own problems and really be objective to see how small they actually are in reality. Oftentimes, it had been a means of escape because when you are busy helping others, you conveniently forget about your own problems. A better solution than drowning your sorrows which I had succumbed to too..

Well, the more I do it the more I realise I CAN do. So even when it was no longer a "necessity" for me, I continue to serve in whatever capacity I can. Besides, I learn soooo much during these activities. From interpersonal skills to technical skills, like I mentioned in this post, I gained way more than what I gave. And that post on the Science of Kindness was also when I learnt that these seemingly selfless acts of mine are actually rather selfish. It was (perhaps still is) my way of loving myself.

Anyway, selfless or selfish, nothing is going to stop me from doing good now. Thankfully with the support of a very capable husband, I am even more able to help whenever wherever now. Thus I literally jumped at this chance to help give out love notes on Valentine's Day! It really had been dreadful to read about the stories of healthcare workers being discriminated. The situation is bad enough and we are being unkind to the very helpers keeping the situation under control?!?

As we were advised not to go directly to KTPH, we stationed ourselves at the nearby Yishun Interchange with our carts full of love notes and sweet treats. Very few nurses or healthcare workers in uniform came our way actually, so we had to make clever guesses often based on the lanyards people were wearing so we could get the items to the recipients! But the positive and heartfelt responses we received..... awww.... I can do this all day.... 🥰

Doing good with my oldie bestie and pals!

Thank you to all the Singaporeans (including PM Lee!) who took the time to pen a love note

What a way to come full circle.. to still be able to give on the day of love, on the day I thought I would not survive to see. Yup, I just turned 40 years old this past Valentine's Day! My fellow helper was bewildered when she knew... well, the science behind kindness mentioned something about aging too.. 😉

Plastic Free July

So for the whole of last month, I decided to put a focus on plastic. The #plasticfreejuly movement has actually started way back in 2011 but I only heard about it on 1st July this year through one of the many environmental advocacy groups I follow. Although it felt late in the game but the idea of being part of the solution really resonated with me so I joined the challenge!

Since embarking on this journey to reduce waste, especially plastic, I have seen enough responses and reactions to know that my efforts will not always be appreciated. So it is certainly a challenge - not so much the actions of reducing plastic but to be prepared to be rejected or even ridiculed. But since the decision was made, I committed to it by changing my profile picture and cover page on Facebook and basically made an online declaration about it.

I do like this year's logo which included a turtle. That video of a turtle suffering with a straw in its nose was probably what started me off on this journey in the first place. What better image to use as a profile picture right? And for the cover page, I applied my creative juices on Canva once again to design my very own with a slogan to boot!

Initially I really thought I would be posting and hashtagging every single day but as I wanted to be authentic and only to relate something I personally do, finding something to post everyday was not easy at all. But I tried my best and really made an effort to at least set some time each day to consider what I could share and managed to post something on Facebook 13 days out of 31 days.

Perhaps because I was conscious of the possible backlash, the text accompanying my posts are "mild"? Well, I am always super conscious about what I post online anyway... I hoped I came across as encouraging rather than imposing and more often than not, I included my failures and shortcomings in my attempts to show how this journey will not be easy but not impossible. Because (see image)

Where I held back in my written stories to the images and posts, I was consistent in the hashtags that accompanied them. #plasticfreejuly is a given. #byobsg and #saynotosingleuseplastic are almost always relevant. #consciouschoices is one I came up with as I realised it was exactly what most people are not making which contributed to the problem. And finally #motherearthisworththeinconvenience is one I thought up last year when I posted about my experience reducing waste for a camp in school because our mother earth really is worth it. 

I am really glad I did it though I was not sure how much of an impact I made. For most posts, I received a range of 5 to 14 likes, usually from the same people. The most likes I received was for a post on OCK [19 likes] - was it because many people liked OCK or the way to avoid plastic using a silicon bag was the easiest to implement? And I received almost no comments at all save for the last one on supposedly zerowaste items I bought for home. I received one comment. So I was not able to start conversations either.

I suppose all these are within my (lowered) expectations. And like a teacher who will never know the extent of the influence he or she has on students, perhaps, hopefully I have planted some seeds of change in some minds in this short time of a month.