Saying Goodbye to Grandma..

My ah ma was a tough woman. She lived through WWII, borne 9 children and pretty much brought up myself and 4 other cousins single-handedly when we were younger. I remember days when we kids got so rowdy in her 4-room flat that she had to shout at us while preparing meals or washing and hanging up laundry.

I remember her cooking - pork chops coated with biscuit crumbs, thick meat porridge with my favourite ketchup and made from scratch ngoh hiang which we only got to enjoy during CNY. Her homecooked meals were her communication of love for us.
 
I remember the white powder that she liked to put on just as other women of her era did - my first introduction to make-up. Though she rarely looked made up, I thought she was beautiful, especially when she smiled. 

Around the time when I started JC, days spent at grandma's house got fewer and fewer but when I do visit, I would definitely get my favourite dish of tomato egg. We would sit together to watch TV programmes; she would ask me for the time and that was one thing I became pretty good at in hokkien; or she would ask me to do little chores like turning on the light or turning off the fan.

We could hardly hold a conversation together but I loved being cheeky with her, teasing her about this or that. When I got older, one thing I often "told" her was to stop smoking. I would gestured taking the cigarette out of mouth and putting it out and she would often just smile and wave me off.

Once, I got really upset with her because she didn't want a wheelchair that enabled her to wheel herself around. She wanted one that only had the option of being pushed around although she still had strength in her arms. It seemed to me that she had given up then.

It was last February during one of my visits that it finally dawned on me that the time might be near. She was frail, no longer walking and hardly speaking. I remember holding her hand and feeling her soft yet easily bruised skin. She was still her cheeky self, smiling and teasing me about my then-boyfriend. I remember thinking to myself that I want more pictures with ah ma..

20th Jan 19: Birthday celebration! Ah ma was 93 years old. Technically it was celebrating both our birthdays as we share the same lunar birthday. She was happy with her cake and all the little ones running around her.

7th Feb 19: On the second day of CNY, she was hospitalised. I visited her and sat mostly silently by her bedside. Looking at all the tubes on her, sensing the discomfort she was experiencing, I took her hand and silently thought to myself. "I would love for you to be at my wedding, I want so much for you to be at my wedding, I want to serve the granddaughter and grandson-in-law tea to you. But you don't have to stay for that, you don't have to stay at all. You can go, ah ma..."

10th Feb 19: I was greeted with countless messages and missed calls on my phone after finishing a yoga class. Frantically hailed a cab and rushed down to the hospital with a pounding heart. She took a while but she opened her eyes when she heard that I had arrived. Then she gave an even bigger welcome to my then-fiance, the yandao. She survived that day.

17th Feb 19: She appeared better, was able to recognize more of us, spoke more coherently and once again was asking for the time every now and then. I thought she looked really cute when she smacked her lips together. Then she showed us what she was capable of by blowing bubbles into a straw. Definitely A+++ for you ah ma!

25th Feb 19: She was well enough to be transferred from the hospital to a community hospital. Everything went smoothly and transportation plans for her from the new venue to the wedding venue were considered. Everyone was in high spirits.

2nd Mar 19: I was called to the hospital although I had planned to meet my jiemeis to discuss the wedding day schedule. I arrived within an hour to see her with an oxygen mask covering half her face. With the help of my aunt, she presented me with the golden bangles she had asked my aunt to purchase for me the day before. Pictures were taken. I thanked her with a kiss on her forehead. My family told me to proceed with my plans.

After meeting with my jiemeis, I got another call to return to the hospital, this time with Axel. When we arrived, she had been moved to a private room and almost all family members in town were present. After waiting for the tea cups to arrive, we served tea to ah ma and received her blessings. More pictures and video were taken. She looked really alert and agreed that the tea was sweet. Although all of us were prepared for the worst that night, her condition improved well enough to be transferred back to her previous common room.

7-8th Mar 19: It was my Guo Da Li day and as per tradition, Axel was required to prepare a special angbao just for ah ma. My dad delivered it to her the following day and she opened her eyes for this picture of her with the angbao that was rightfully hers.

10th Mar 19: One week to the wedding. Visited ah ma with Axel. Her limbs felt cold and she complained that her legs were aching. Tried to make her comfortable by moving her limbs for her. Held her hands and she would tightened her grip on mine. Told her to sleep and rest. Questioned the doctor about the tips of her fingers and he called us aside to tell us to be prepared.

11th Mar 19: While out running errands for the wedding with Axel, my mind constantly thought of  ah ma. Can one ever be fully prepared for such an event? I received the news via Whatsapp while we were in a crowded MRT train. Initially I was calm, but as I leaned into Axel and buried my face in his chest, the tears just overcame me. The realisation that she was gone was just too much.

Then I received a call from my brother to remind me to stay away and not participate in the funeral. Am I really not allowed to say my last goodbye? Another call from my mum then another from an aunt. Some indignation and fresh tears each time. Perhaps it really was for the best that I was absent.

That day, the skies opened and rain hammered down after a long dry spell.

13th Mar 19: As I was kept up to date via our family group chat without being able to be physically present, I tried to go about my normal days, doing things that I routinely do. I was okay. I talked to my friends and was comforted. I attended my usual yoga class. The necessity to turn inwards and focus on my gaze, body and breath made it unnecessary to constantly remind myself that life goes on. I felt great that I was able to execute all the poses.. until savasanah. Totally relaxed, the mind went right back to ah ma and I pretty much burst into tears.

15th Mar 19: It was the appointed day for Axel and I to collect our marriage certificate from ROM. It was also the day ah ma was to be cremated. With an insane need to do something, we headed for the beach in ECP. Both of us folded some origami boats, I gathered some fallen white flowers and set the little memorial boats adorned with flowers out to sea. Rituals do have meaning. For me, that simple act was significant and comforting. I know my ah ma loves me and that I am in her heart as much as she will always be in mine.

 
Ang Char (1926 - 2019) is survived by 9 children, 6 children-in-law, 17 grandchildren, 9 grandchildren-in-law and 7 great-grandchildren.

for the wish of a single lady

"for the wish of a single lady"
It is something Axel often says when he has to defer to my preferences and to which I usually roll my eyes at 🙄 because I find it to be such an exaggeration, a hyperbole even! I mean I just prefer to use the pavement rather than cut across the grass patch?!?

But for this particular endeavour - I have to agree. It does feel like everything and everyone had come together "for the wish of a single lady", except it is a soon not-to-be-single lady. 🤣

So around this time (8ish am) last week, I was about 5 meters below sea level in a flowy white wedding dress atop a 100 years old wreck surrounded by marine life that took my breath away. But it was not as romantic as it appeared. 

I just received the signal from the photographer with his big ass underwater camera to remove my mask while maintaining my pose so he could get the shot. There was a strong surge and I found myself struggling to stay in place even with weights around my waist, two in my lap and another tied to my ankle. Other than corals and fishes, there were 4 other dive guides, my makeup artist (MUA who also dives!) and another photographer floating close by. 

10 seconds into holding my breath without mask nor regulator, focusing my eyes and face towards the sunlight shining towards our spot in the vast sea, I felt another surge and the chill of the waters. I gestured the "out of air" signal and heaved such a relief when the regulator was brought back into my mouth. As my breathing slowly leveled again, the only thought that came to mind, "What were you thinking to want underwater wedding shots?!?! In the sea no less?!?!?!?!?!"

In retrospect, I was NOT thinking. I just want. Axel and I met through diving and I wanted unique wedding photography and I saw such photos online so I want. That's it. I didn't consider anything else. I just wanted it. 😦

Well, I got what I wanted... and it would not had been possible if this team was not there to make it happen.. so this post is dedicated to all of them who had fulfilled the wish of this soon-not-to-be single lady.

To George: right after our first dive, I remembered sitting next to him and telling him that I was crazy to want this and that HE was crazy to take us on. It was a surprise to me that I had a hard time finding an underwater wedding photographer; now I know better. It was through word of mouthS before we found George and I am SOOOO glad that we found him. Like I said, I just wanted without considering any factors but he, he is so professional, dedicated and thorough. He arranged for pre-shoot practice in a pool for us, flew in first to take test shots with the local guides, took care of not just our safety but our comfort and always put us at ease. I really really admire his passion for his craft (and the ability to look so fresh with so little sleep).

To Stephy: Axel received her contact from a mutual friend and when he was telling me about her, he said I would definitely connect with her and he was right. I am so glad I had not completely forgotten what I learnt from my sign language course from years back and even more glad to be able to have such a talented MUA to prettify me throughout the trip with waterproof makeup. She was able to design different looks and hairstyles based on what I was wearing and whether the shoot was on land or underwater. I was super impressed by her array of self-made hair pieces and props that she brought along. Most importantly, she showed genuine tender care towards both myself and Axel. We appreciate you!

To Lilian: Hey fellow Hello Kitty lover.. you put me right at ease the moment I saw HK on your underwater camera 😍 and your gentle guidance really brought out the model in me 😄 it was so so easy to pose for you and I really had such an awesome time fulfilling that secret desire to be a model. macro, infrared and light painting?! you opened my eyes to the possibilities of the photography industry.. thank you for your easygoing and funloving nature.. thank you for being you!

To Qiping: You had always been relatively quiet during our initial meetings, attentively listening in and always ready to give the helping hand. Little do we know that you can be such a silly yet witty lame joker of a "small fresh meat" 😆 Thank you for all the laughter you brought us during the trip. I also appreciate the really helpful and on-point pointers (pun intended) that you gave when you were behind the camera..

To Tisnu, Ketut and Made: What can I say? You are literally our life-savers, ensuring our safety and well-being throughout all the dives. Thank you for always fining like crazy to make sure we get our air every time we signaled for the tank that we shared. Thank you for not losing my mask too. 😄 Especially to Tisnu, thank you for being such a pillar of strength when I had nothing else to hold on to underwater. I am sorry that this dead weight here caused you to suffer leg cramps underwater.. 😦 Also, thank you for driving us around in your lorry too!!!

To Julian: Last but certainly not least! I really think you are a closet diver... hope you get your certification soon! You are such a giving person, so kind and nice to us and sweet to Stephy. Thank you for being the indispensable translator and helpful coordinator during the trip. Really enjoyed our little chats while I was being dolled up by Stephy. All the best to you lovebirds!

L to R: George, Tisnu, Julian, Qiping, Lilian. Front: Stephy

Finally, to my love, when I almost panicked with that real threat of death by drowning, your steady gaze and smiling lips instantly calmed me down. Thank you for being my life buoy, holding me with your strong arms and holding my heart so tenderly and preciously that I feel no fear when you are near. The entire adventure was worth it for that instant when I realised I truly would have no other than you. ich liebe dich. 💗

#AXELOVEUNICE

Hashtags.. I caught on pretty late.. in fact I am resolutely refusing to open an Instagram account.. thankfully these gems work on facebook too... quite amazed by the extend of its usability.. thank you Chris Messina!

This particular hashtag I came up with is of course for my upcoming wedding.. was playing around with various configurations of our names while designing my "save the date" announcement when

 I noticed the ring and heart linking our names formed a word - love! awwwww.....

Can you blame me for my preoccupation with the word given my birthday? In a very mushy and cliche way, I really think love is the answer to everything. =P Perhaps not so much on this blog but many if not majority of my longer Facebook posts revolve around this theme and its relevance and necessity.. even my Whatsapp status is on it! Despite my preoccupation with it, I still find myself lacking it sometimes, often towards the people closest to me... *oops*

Anyway, back to my wedding hashtag.. so it has both our first names and the noun "love". It is not the verb, it doesn't say "axel-loves-eunice". Yes the wedding is mainly about us but I realise it is also the perfect opportunity to spread more love in our world. Not just romantic love, but any kind of love - between family, friends, acquaintances, even strangers! I don't think we can ever have too much love, especially not now in the current world climate and situation.. Let's not forget self-love too, major changes come about starting from the individual..

If you have read this far, I invite you to really put this hashtag to "good" use. rather than only using it to hashtag the photos taken on our wedding day (of course you should still do that! Take lots of photos and hashtag #AXELOVEUNICE away on that day!), consider performing a random act of kindness today and tweet, instagram or facebook post about it (include a photo if possible) and add this hashtag.. I think it will be lovely for not just me but even for you to look back on the good deed (hopefully many good deeds from all my guests!) in the future.. =)

They may be called random acts of kindness but I believe kindness connects us in a profound way and such acts is a demonstration of love; it shows the person on the receiving end that he or she is worthy of love. Do you know that such acts when you receive nothing in return is very good for you, the giver, too? Read my mini blog post on the Science of Kindness to get some scientifically proven facts. ;)

Considering my guest list, I think this little request of mine should be no problem for all of you kindhearted people. Perhaps it is just sharing and tagging some thing you do everyday already! But I want to hear about it and the world can do with more of such feel-good stories!! If you need some ideas, here is a list I complied from various websites (click on the links included!):

1. smile at someone on the street 
2. give a genuine compliment 
3. post positive notes on the fridge in the pantry 
4. donate blood
5. give up your seat on the bus or MRT
6. share your umbrella on a rainy day
7. pay for an extra coffee or meal
8. offer help to someone who looks lost
9. hold the door/elevator open
10. pick up trash or try plogging
11. if you spill something at an eatery, wipe it up
12. say thank you to a bus driver or cleaner
13. let another car pass first or wave if someone lets you pass first
14. hand out a cold drink to the delivery man or postman
15. surprise the office with donuts
16. start a fundraiser or a movement
17. walk or run for a cause
18. give the gift of time
19. offer assistance to someone who needs help (my cousin is an excellent example)
20. push someone's wheelchair (did this at Bishan MRT on a mini upslope!)

I hope you have loads of fun with this and if someone asks you about the act or hashtag, feel free to share my rationale but I am afraid I can't expand my guest list!

that facebook post

fashion conscious? eco conscious!

that is a pretty goodlooking jumpsuit right?

and i think i look quite fetching in it =P

i didn't buy it.

despite recommendation from someone with an eye for this kind of thing to "grab it!"..

despite going back to the shop a second time to try it

despite the willingness of hubby-to-be to splurge on it

i am definitely not one who is on the forefront of fashion but once in a long while i do like to dress up when the occasion calls for it. like most girls, i can have quite a lot of fun trying on clothes in a changing room but most times i leave those gorgeous garments back on the rack. one of the main deterrents to making them mine is the cost. although i am also starting to appreciate the fact that higher-end products also mean better quality. a point the hubby-to-be is trying to drill into me..

long before i heard of KonMari, i read about a hack for the wardrobe which made me realised just how many of my clothing are left hanging without being worn even once. moreover, as i become more and more environmentally conscious and learnt how devastating the fashion industry really is, i am more prudent than ever when it comes to fashion.

besides ending most of my fashion-related decisions with a "no", i also started exploring more sustainable options. ethical retailers, rental services, second-hand shopping and clothes swapping are some possibilities. through a facebook group on zero waste, i discovered The Fashion Pulpit. With 2 bags of clothes that no longer spark joy, i finally made my way to this "permanent swapping fashion space".

 

prior to the visit, my expectations were low as shopping isn't my favourite pastime and i had no idea  how much the clothes i brought along were worth. what a pleasant surprise i had! it turned out to be really enjoyable as not only was the space so tastefully decorated and charmingly serene, i received a lot more "points" than i thought and couldn't find enough clothes! even after three rounds of browsing, picking and trying dozens of tops, bottoms and dresses in the spacious fitting room, i came away with 7 pieces of clothing and a leather sling bag which only used up half the points i was allocated!

thankfully, they have a relatively flexible system with a one-time swap option which allows me to freeze the unused points for next time. i really had a lot more fun than i thought. in fact, a little too much fun - the idea was to reduce the amount of clothing i have, i thought i would only come away with one "new" top, not 7 + 1?!?! but i felt like i had money to spare with those extra points and really allowed myself to indulge in some retail therapy without the usual guilt... will certainly be back.. perhaps if and when i need work clothes?

how about you? shop less and swap more... make a difference today!

Haleeom

 
"haleeom!" not even sure if the spelling is correct but it was 
something i heard before the start of every class I attended 
with YICC students during my Advanced Yoga Retreat to 
SVYASA Bangalore. I don't even know the actual meaning of 
it but it probably means something along the line of "Here. 
I am present." as it was what students called out when 
attendance was taken. 

There is something about the sound of it that I really like. 
"ha-lee-om!" including "om" - the origin of universe. Perhaps 
it is the entire Sanskrit language but I just love how calming 
it makes me feel... sometimes I wonder if I was born in India 
in one of my past lives!

India... to be honest, I never thought I would ever visit the 
country. After the various horror stories I heard coming from 
this place, it pretty much became the only Asian country I had 
no desire to visit - and I have always preferred our part of the
world over any Western countries on my yearly wanderlust-fueled 
adventures.

So when I saw the opportunity which combined an advancement in 
my yoga journey and assurance of safety as we would be mostly 
in a protected campus, I practically jumped on it! It could well 
be one of the best decisions I made this year. I cannot imagine 
missing out on the wealth of knowledge I had gained during the 
trip..

I can't say that everything that I heard during the retreat had 
made sense to me. But much of the gems which had struck a chord 
with me or within me were quickly swyped onto my dependable S7 Edge 
and now here they will stay for future reference when necessary. 

Don't intend to expand beyond the short notes I have taken but 
my favourite guru certainly deserves a special mention! Mohan-ji 
is a jovial and approachable man who so kindly invited us to spend 
a few afternoons with him at his humble house. Those sessions were 
the best memories of the entire retreat when he shared his teaching 
selflessly and with a touch of humor too! 

A final note to self: be open to listening to something you think 
you have already heard before. Much of what I learnt during the 
trip was not exactly new to me but from a different teacher in a 
different scenario, I gained invaluable insights.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

*if entire philosophy condenses into one word - love
gross love - gone when not reciprocated
sacrificial love - 
divine love - total surrender

*world possession or pleasures
- mixed with dukha - acquire, preserve, loss - all involved pain
- unsatisfactory - due to always wanting
- makes us dependent - want becoming need

*heat light and colour
eternity knowledge bliss
inner peace

*we are all travellers - time,  space,  causation. aim to be 
travellers of yogic type of mind rather than non-yogic. despite 
wanting our journey to be comfortable but we all have 
attachments - partner, baggage, money. mind travelling faster than 
time. don't let mind be disturbed by external circumstances. just 
an expression leads to physical reactions creating ailments. 
disturbed mind creates disturbances in the surrounding.

*yoga is movement from restlessness to restfulness.

*expect the least without being negative. 

*calligraphy - keep mind and hand at same speed. instead of not 
dotting i or crossing t.. staying in the moment

*indocrine glands secrete chemicals or enzymes directly into 
specific body organ endocrine glands secrete chemicals or hormones 
into the blood stream which circulate through entire body. hormones 
are chemical messengers which are only received by their respective 
target organ receptors. only message is "work harder!" and alter the 
action of the body

*pituitary gland is called master gland because it can control 
other glands..

*yoga poses that simulate glands are gently encouraging them to work 
optimally like giving incentives and benefits to workers rather than 
scolding or beating them to work harder

*like darkness is due to absence of light, anger can only be 
diminished by presence of compassion. 

*principle of body: use me or lose me.

*yoga is hyper extending muscles you rarely use. this causes brain to 
send "new" signals to muscles to relax.  bringing about activation of 
relaxation in entire body. yoga enhances parasympathetic system which 
relaxes the body and improves digestive system. parasympathetic and 
sympathetic systems are functional compared to the nerves and glands 
which are structural. vegas nerve. 

*bee breathing with sound production has additional benefit as person 
pays attention to the sound produced bringing him to the present moment 
which again enhances parasympathetic system. thinking about past or 
future which are stress inducing uses sympathetic system. 

*yoga is the only way to activate parasympathetic system. 
modern medicine has nothing for it.

*one tea spoon of salt to half litre of warm water for kriya water

*laughing yoga: 
hand on throat - hehe
on chest - haha
on stomach - hoho 
cocktail yoga
laugh while looking at one another

*drsujatasinghr.com

*story of missing diamond necklace - importance of awareness that 
we are whole. 

*anything that can be objectified is not me. 

*entire person "zipped" into a seed at deep sleep. last thought 
before that will be first thought when wake up like a seed blooming. 
your last thought at death becomes the seed blooming in next life. 

*gurdjief. happy rich man with no attachments. 

*asana and practices are for people who cannot "see" the path. 
people who can.. just continue their lives "playing a role" but 
they are aware and conscious. significantly changed inside. 

*no lifestyle. only wife style. 🤣

*yoga is to see the de-conditioned the mind, see the world as it is. 

*path of science and religion is the same. to find the ultimate truth. 
science does experiments through external means. yogi's lab is within 
his mind through internal means. 

*Paul Brunton "a search in secret India". problems were not solved, 
they were resolved. all questions dropped. 

*bliss is silence. silence is bliss. yogic mindset is to look within 
yourself to identify what is happening when you are 'happy'. the 
instant when you taste your favourite food there is silence- no thoughts. 

*gross. subtle. causal. 

*urge to live/be immortal/going back to our true nature manifest in
 three ways - have children, have money, have recognition/ fame.  
 
*sleep with awareness so you may wake up with awareness. give 5 mins 
to stay in bed and notice. try not to wake up to an alarm. focus on 
time to wake up before sleeping and you will. 

*have awareness to play your role when in society but be detached 
within. like a lotus in the water. 

*navel region is centre of peace. a-kara chanting strengthens it. 
u-kara chanting makes you full of love for everyone and everything. 
m-kara chanting is for intuition/ sixth sense. 
om-kara for spirituality 

*slow down. not physically but in your mind. quiet down the 
inner dialogue. 

*if mind is fast, start by saying om fast too. it has innate quality 
to slow down. start noticing the gap between two om to get into silence. 

*be & make. be peaceful and you will unconsciously make others around 
you peaceful too.

*wrong things only happen when you are not aware. when you are aware, 
things only go right. 

*three tenets of all religions. charity, love, self-control

Sutras and Aphorisms

Although I have been practising yoga for many years, I only learn of Patanjali and his Yoga Sutras after I embarked on the YICC with Vyasa Singapore. I have always know that yoga is more than just contorting your body into different positions and that was the main reason why I decided to dive deep into the study of yoga but I would never imagine that yoga is that much more. In fact, it feels like it is all.

When the 80 hours theory sessions of YICC came to an end, Master Manoj strongly recommended Patanjali's Yoga Sutras among a few other books. Considering how much content was covered and compressed within those hours, I was inclined to learn more on my own but also because of that brief yet overwhelming introduction, I was unsure if it would really be beneficial knowledge..

So I conveniently let it slip out of my mind until I came across an English translation of it on sale at a book fair. I hesitated on buying it, especially since I know I will easily be able to find online versions of it for free, but I decided to share this serendipitous find with my fellow Vyasa coursemates via Whatsapp. I received 7 requests to purchase on behalf. Ha! It relieved me of the decision to buy one for myself as there were only 5 books left!

However, while the books were in my possession, my curiosity got the better of me and I began to read and copy the sutras and aphorisms word for word, almost. I have never enjoy reading off a screen (thus I never had a Kindle despite my love for reading) and we all know information is better retained (and understood) when written rather than just read. Moreover, I want to practise my handwriting! =P

Over a period of about a week, I wrote down what I read into a blank notebook, marking each sutra and aphorism accordingly, sequentially. I expected not to be able to understand it fully but the choice of terms and excessive mode of writing in this particular book made the content all the more difficult to digest. I thought aphorisms are supposed to be straightforward!?! In addition to the fact that I wanted all of them to fit into the rather slim notebook, I started to summarize and drop phrases where I felt I would not be altering the original meanings.

Thankfully I succeeded in squeezing all 195 aphorisms in. But *horror*, because I was so meticulous about it, I discovered that one aphorism is missing from the book. Somehow, the 18th aphorism of the sutra II is not in the book. [15, 16, 17, 19... where is 18??] And I vaguely remembered that it was mentioned during our course that there are a total of 196 aphorisms??

In some ways, it was as incredulous as reading the Bible. The logical part of me rejects it. Which comes back to the idea of faith. On this point, Master Manoj explicitly pointed out that our education impedes our understanding and acceptance of it... a lot to unlearn for me then. However, it also reminded me of the Chinese period dramas I grew up watching. All the shifus and yaojings doing the exact incredible things as described in the sutras written some 1600 years ago. So this is where all that stemmed from...?

Today, I decided to search for that missing aphorism and found a oh-so-much-better translation of  the Yoga Sutras from the website of The Arlington Center.  Just the very first line read simply:

Now, the teachings of yoga.

vs

Assuredly, the exposition of Yoga, or Concentration, is now to be made.

Now, the former is what I would called an aphorism. Initially, I got a little frustrated that I had copied a version that I did not particularly enjoyed. Many of the terms translated in the second version appealed to me a lot more. Pure awareness, latent impressions, unsurpassed joy are but some examples. 

But as I skimmed through the second version, I slowly realised that rather than one version being better or closer to the truth, knowledge of the two versions has greatly enhanced my understanding of the original sutras. I can only imagine that further reading of other versions of the same text will similarly deepen my appreciation and interpretation of this ancient text. This is a revelation as I rarely reread a book a second time.

As with many of the rest of the aphorisms, I do not find the 18th of sutra II to be particularly outstanding or groundbreaking. I understood each individual term without gaining any insight to the "truth" within it or the necessity of it. However, comparing the two versions, I discovered that my copied version is missing another aphorism in sutra IV! Due to the difference in terms and style of writing, it took me some time before I could determined that the first version had completely skipped the 16th aphorism and only had 33 instead of 34 aphorisms. There are a total of 196 aphorisms in the 4 sutras!

But the object is not dependent on (diversity of thoughts); 

if it were, what would happen to it when nobody was looking?

The phrase within the parenthesis is from the first version as this aphorism is a continuation from the previous one so I combined the two versions for my own better understanding. And this particular aphorism speaks to me. It is a concept I debated within myself before and this somewhat clarifies. But that would be for another blog post.. =)

Really quite enjoying my yoga journey all in all. Just this reading of 2 different interpretations of Yoga Sutras has shown me that rather than looking for and only reading the one "perfect" interpretation, keep looking and keep reading to reach the "perfect" understanding. My neat and clean little notebook will have to be "improved" by ever more annotations..