Paw Prints on my Heart

 

I don't even remember when my love affair with cats began.

Hello Kitty is certainly a source. But how did swooning over the cat with no mouth transition into an indescribable love for the real deal of sleek, coolness, and independence - I am unsure.

I remember making a declaration "I love all cats! - except Garfield" I could never resist spending time with cats. You have a cat? Can I come visit? If I come across a stray, I would pause even if it is just to say "hello there!" Eventually, it led to volunteering for Cat Welfare Society, buying of cat calendars, regular feeding of community cats, seeking out cat cafes and even the cat village of Houtong. Everyone knew me to be the cat person who, ironically, didn't have a cat. Until I moved to Uruguay.

Oscar was first. He was so shy initially, always keeping his distance, but I had no doubt we were meant to be. I loved watching him as he kneads his front paws, while eating from his bowl or before settling into his favorite spot for a nap. When he first jumped on my lap, the gentle press of his paws seemed to say "I am learning to trust you." 

When we lost Oscar, it felt like someone had punched a hole through my heart. The untouched food bowl, the empty corners where he used to nap - everything felt wrong. I wasn't ready to say goodbye, not when we had barely begun our journey together.

Then Chinook came into my life. Her constant purring was like a healing balm to make all things right again. She purred so much, so loudly - we named her after the just as deafening helicopter. We didn't know then that her sweet purring might have been trying to tell us something. That perhaps her body was already fighting battles we couldn't see.

Losing two cats within six months... I never imagined such heartbreak when I dreamed of being a cat mom. How could something I wanted for so long bring such profound pain? I thought maybe this was the universe's way of telling me I wasn't meant to have cats after all. At all.

Funnily enough, it was on the hubby's insistence that brought them back into our lives. He wanted a mouse catcher. So I responded to a giver's posting of kittens for adoption, mistakenly assuming there was only one due to the language barrier. Actually there was a litter of 7 to choose from! 

I had often wondered what kind of cat I would choose to be my own and just as I was considering how I would select 2 out of the litter of 7, I was relieved of that choice. I had arrived at the giver's home and we spoke at her gate. As the kittens were all running amok she had to go search for them and the first two she brought out became mine. So none of my cats were actually chosen by me - they chose me, or perhaps fate chose them for me.

This year taught me that love and loss are two sides of the same coin. Oscar showed me how beautiful it is when trust builds slowly. Chinook taught me to cherish every purr, every moment. And now these kittens are teaching me that it's okay to open my heart again.

I miss Oscar's gentle paw kneading. I miss Chinook's powerful purrs. But their brief presence in my life made me a better cat mom, and for that, I'll always be grateful. As I watch Arturo and Estrella play, I like to believe that somewhere, Oscar and Chinook are watching too, purring their approval of these little ones who are helping to heal my heart.

when you love two languages..

Growing up in a Chinese/Hokkien speaking household, my grasp of the English language was never as good as that of my Mother Tongue. Learning Higher Chinese during my secondary school days had also deepened my love for this difficult and challenging but oh-so-incredible language. I am constantly amazed how a few characters in a single idiom can often convey so much more than the sum of its parts.

 

One would expect that if I am a language teacher, I would be teaching Chinese but fortuitously I had a take-it-or-leave-it offer to teach English when I applied to be a teacher. At times, I still feel like a fraud to call myself an English teacher when it is not something that comes naturally to me. The number of times I checked and re-checked the dictionary and thesaurus to write a single blog post is proof. Yet, having undergone that training started an unexpected love affair.

 

I love both languages. And I have come to realise that rather than identifying myself with either of them, it is more crucial to recognise the importance of language(s) as part of communication. Personally, effective communication is THE most important life skill everyone should acquire. So much wasted effort and unnecessary anguish can be avoided if what is said is received as intended.

  

Well, because I love both languages, I often try to make sense of the world, what I read, what I hear, through both medium. For example, I may watch a movie in English but constantly read the accompanying Chinese subtitles to get a deeper understanding. I enjoy such translation so much that I had offered to do translation (both ways) during volunteering stints! 

 

So recently, I was indulging in one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite artistes when I felt inspired to translate the song lyrics. Initially, I thought I would need to refer to other attempts (Mr Google really can find anything) but in the end, I was able to craft my own translation in its entirety rather fluidly. I was only concerned about not losing the original meaning (or at least my interpretation of it) that I did not bother about how my translation will fit back in the song. Look at this gem of a website I found! Such a great way to learn a new language if you enjoy singing too!!

   

I suppose it is not too difficult to guess which Chinese song I have translated especially since it is also the theme song for a famous fabulous movie! As a Physics teacher, I wonder if the songwriter had misunderstood the definition of light year to be a measurement of time rather than that of distance... but who cares! The song is beautiful and her singing is flawless!

 

What do you think of my translation? 

 

Beyond Light Years 

relishing the caress of your fingertips on my hair
it freezes time instantaneously
etching the focus of your determined eyes upon mine
there may already be no tomorrow 

compared to the vast galaxies of stars
we are more minute than dust
floating drifting in helplessness 

fate brought us together far from the madding crowd
destiny had us falling in love amidst distress
perhaps a future is far beyond light years
i am willing to keep a vigil for you in this uncertainty 

i never imagine how crazy i will get for you
without you disasters and calamities can claim my life
i am already mad in the mind for you
without you pulses and heartbeats are inconsequential 

one embrace by your loving arms
protects me from the whirlwind of life
one bond of passionate relentlessness
fires up that eternal flame of hope 

the universe is majestic yet aloof
our love is infinitesimal but brilliant
tremulous but oh so selfless 

perhaps to deviate from the course is a dream that can never come to fruition
far from the madding crowd we only belong to each other

More than raincoats..

Sometimes, I get really amazed how blind we can be to the things happening around us. To be perfectly honest (and guiltily so), the migrant workers in our country had been practically invisible to me for most of my life. I had been better at noticing the development in a construction site, the improvements to estate facilities, the beautification of a garden, the clearance of garbage and litter without once sparing a thought for the people who made those things happen. 

 

It takes a special person to notice that some in our society have become forgotten and in need of a voice and actually do something about it. Dipa Swaminathan is truly an inspiration and I have been following up on the blossoming of ItsRainingRaincoats (IRR). There is no denying the incredible work she and her team have been putting in to make a difference to the lives of our migrant brothers and sisters. So many times, reading the stories and viewing the photos of how lives have been positively impacted brought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat.

Thus, I literally jumped at the opportunity to contribute in a way I can when the MADWISH call for teachers came to my notice. Since the Circuit Breaker in April 2020, I have been teaching English to a migrant worker via Whatsapp. More than just imparting knowledge, our interaction has led to a friendship which I would never have had if not for this programme.

More recently, the brainchild of one IRR volunteer came to fruition and Singaporeans can now (till 8th March 2021) donate their SingapoReDiscovers vouchers and sponsor a migrant worker to similarly enjoy our beautiful country! Although guiding steps are provided, the process might still be overwhelming for some - if so, ask me! More than willing to help.. :)

Today being the final (fifteenth) day of CNY (元宵节快乐!), another simple way to show care for our migrant workers is to donate your unopened and unexpired goodies to them. As the Chinese would say, 吃在嘴裡甜在心裡. Let's bring a taste of sweetness (regardless the goodie you are donating) to the lives of our migrant friends!

There really is so much more that we can do. If you like to contribute in other ways, check here for all their current campaigns. These tiny actions may seem insignificant, but the message they send out to not just the migrant workers but all Singaporeans in general is that we can make a positive difference. An individual effort may be small but each of us is capable of showing compassion. When one person sows that seed of loving-kindness, amazing things happen. Look what this Kampong Kaki is doing!

The Best Thing That Happened to Me This Year

It has to be discovering the SG Assist online platform. What a fabulous idea! 

I am already a SG Cares volunteer since 2010 and in many ways the two platforms are similar. But what spurred me to register for SG Assist was the fact that help can be rendered to others in the vicinity in real time. 

It was around the time that Dorscon Orange was announced when I chanced upon it on Facebook. During that time, returning residents were put on Stay Home Notice and close contacts identified via contact tracing were put on Leave of Absence. My own brother was under LOA for a period of time and honestly I did not think too much about it then. 

However, not everyone has the fortune of staying with someone else to keep the household running while one is unable to even step out of the house. There are people who have neither family nor friends nearby  to assist them in their daily needs such as food or grocery. The beauty of SG Assist is that you can easily connect to someone who can help you do just that! 远亲不如近邻啊!

Naturally I was concerned about the risks of getting infected but I am sort of young-ish and pretty healthy and I believe that things happen for a reason so if I do get infected even with all the precautions taken then so be it! I just cannot not do something when I am fully able to do it. Moreover, being a relatively new resident of Bukit Panjang, I thought this might be a good way to familiarise myself with this estate.

Although there could be multiple new assist requests in a day, I actually never got to help anyone on SHN or LOA. In fact, requests were accepted by other volunteers so quickly that I was often greeted with an empty request list instead! Good to know that Singapore is not short of helpers. 😃

Health vector created by pikisuperstar - www.freepik.com

It was only in July when I responded to my first SG Assist request and had since helped the same Senior Activity Centre with similar requests to accompany elderly to their medical appointments. So I would turn up at the nearby centre to meet the elderly, take the taxi with him to the hospital, navigate our way to the right clinic for registration, wait with him in the holding area and hail a taxi to return to the centre with him. 

Usually, the type of volunteer roles I take up involve either sports or children and I tend to avoid elderly because I barely speak Hokkien and I generally feel awkward around them. But I am so thankful for this precious opportunity to slow down and spend time with each of the pioneers I met. Not only did I get to hear incredible stories (one had a long career in the army), I learn that aging is not necessarily something to fear.

It may appear that the elderly were dependent on me during these trips but I truly think that I was the one who gained the most out of our interactions. As with every volunteer activity, it always ends with me in a state of joy and having a new appreciation for being alive. The sense of admiration from the taxi uncles and nurses who realised I have no relation to the elderly is a super morale booster too!

So the best thing that happened to me the year I turned 40 was signing myself up for SG Assist which led me to these kindly old souls who taught me that growing old is okay.

My ideal CB day

 

Can we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it?

This one has a virus.

We are only one-third into the year and it already felt too long and too wrong. I should be on vacation in Germany right now but I am back home which I have not left since Monday. No work, no yoga, no meet-ups, null.

Had tried not to make too big a deal out of it in the early days but when weekly WCS classes became officially unavailable, it became impossible to ignore. I started a coronavirus timeline in my BuJo. It listed major events worldwide as well as in Singapore and I continue to update it..

As restrictions under the Circuit Breaker measure get tougher, I, like most Singaporeans can only stay home. Not that I am complaining as I can be quite happy doing my own things at home and it is quite amazing the variety of activities that can be done at home with internet access.

• free movies/concerts/musicals/performances online
• yoga and zumba via ZOOM
• cooking with online recipes 
• clap/sing for #SGUnited
• volunteering (MADWISH) and doing good (SG Assist)
• online gathering and even an online wedding!

Yup, a very dear friend of mine got married! She calls it "Love in the time of corona" and it was beautiful. She looked gorgeous in an exquisite dress while her husband was all decked out in a traditional barong while her friends and family from all over the world celebrated with them via Zoom and a live YouTube screening.

However, the days spent within the same four walls do get blurred together and it is so easy to lose track of time... I decided to do one of the collections that I have been meaning to do, with a twist...
Hopefully, I can follow it better now because I have been sleeping at 2 am lately...... 👉👈 And the opposite page is also dedicated to CB because so much time and so many free movies now!!!

Volunteering (on the day/in the name) of LOVE

This post is inspired by a couple of things - a newly minted video about #braveheartSG and a FB post by Dalai Lama a few hours ago. So you probably have watched the video before coming to this blog? Did you see me?!?! 😄😄

Dalai Lama says

Not only is it the case that happy people are more willing to help others, but as I generally point out, helping others is the best way to help yourself, the best way to promote your own happiness.
It is you, yourself, who will receive the benefit.

And that is really how I feel about volunteering. Many friends have commented that I am really kind and always helping others, doing a variety of different things to help people, animals and causes without asking anything in return. It appears a very big-hearted thing to do.

The truth is... , at least to some extent, it is a selfish act. I needed it. Many years back when I was a different depressive me, volunteerism saved me. Without it, I don't think I would have survived till now. I do not remember when but I had specifically thought to myself that I should not/would not/did not want to live past 40. It was very dark times.

I genuinely enjoy myself every time I am helping others. But more significantly, volunteerism opened my eyes to look past my own problems and really be objective to see how small they actually are in reality. Oftentimes, it had been a means of escape because when you are busy helping others, you conveniently forget about your own problems. A better solution than drowning your sorrows which I had succumbed to too..

Well, the more I do it the more I realise I CAN do. So even when it was no longer a "necessity" for me, I continue to serve in whatever capacity I can. Besides, I learn soooo much during these activities. From interpersonal skills to technical skills, like I mentioned in this post, I gained way more than what I gave. And that post on the Science of Kindness was also when I learnt that these seemingly selfless acts of mine are actually rather selfish. It was (perhaps still is) my way of loving myself.

Anyway, selfless or selfish, nothing is going to stop me from doing good now. Thankfully with the support of a very capable husband, I am even more able to help whenever wherever now. Thus I literally jumped at this chance to help give out love notes on Valentine's Day! It really had been dreadful to read about the stories of healthcare workers being discriminated. The situation is bad enough and we are being unkind to the very helpers keeping the situation under control?!?

As we were advised not to go directly to KTPH, we stationed ourselves at the nearby Yishun Interchange with our carts full of love notes and sweet treats. Very few nurses or healthcare workers in uniform came our way actually, so we had to make clever guesses often based on the lanyards people were wearing so we could get the items to the recipients! But the positive and heartfelt responses we received..... awww.... I can do this all day.... 🥰

Doing good with my oldie bestie and pals!

Thank you to all the Singaporeans (including PM Lee!) who took the time to pen a love note

What a way to come full circle.. to still be able to give on the day of love, on the day I thought I would not survive to see. Yup, I just turned 40 years old this past Valentine's Day! My fellow helper was bewildered when she knew... well, the science behind kindness mentioned something about aging too.. 😉

International Day of Yoga 2019

21st June - summer solstice - officially adopted by the UN as International Day of Yoga after being endorsed by 175 out of 193 member states. That is a noteworthy record where more than 90% of the countries of the world actually agreed on something. Yoga for better health of the entire world population.

Although this year is already the 5th year that it is being celebrated worldwide, I was only aware of it last year when I was on the search for a suitable yoga school to learn to become an instructor. Having decided to take up YICC at Vyasa Singapore, I was informed of the event for IDY 2018 held at CSC Tessensohn.

Then, I was a participant, quite a lonely one too. But this year, I was a volunteer and really glad to contribute as an instructor, a demonstrator, and an assistant alongside my YICC mates. Had assumed it would be a single day event but Vyasa, as one of the main organisers working with the High Commision of India, oversaw nearly 200 sessions across the island over about 2 weeks!

Preparation began a month earlier with weekly practice of the Common Yoga Protocol prepared by the Ministry of Ayuverda, Yoga, Naturopathy, Unani, Siddha and Homoeopathy (AYUSH) in India. Volunteers were also invited to a photoshoot at Esplanade before we were assigned to the various venues and sessions.

The photoshoot was set at 7am and it had been a long time since I woke up that early for anything. But upon arriving at the outdoor theatre by the waters, I was immediately refreshed and surprisingly stayed pretty alert for the entire session adopting various asanas for the photoshoot with over 50 other volunteers (an organisation nightmare).

My first assignment was totally out of my expectation. As a first-time volunteer, I assumed I would be taking on the role of an assistant, instead, I became the only instructor available for a session to nearly 20 participants at Boon Lay. Thankfully the teacher in me took over and the session went well. I had one participant inquiring the whereabouts of Vyasa after I mentioned it and another requesting for the sequence of asanas I taught... got to mean something right? 😃

The second one was comparatively relaxed as I was one of many assistants to a regular volunteer. In fact, the number of assistants was more than the number of participants in the beautiful Botanical Gardens. Outdoor yoga was lovely although I really did not enjoy the wet grass we were practising on. The calming and healing sounds of the singing bowls during savasanah were out of the world wonderful too.

Right after that, I went along to my third session at Sunlove Whampoa where I really could put my mandarin knowledge and limited dialect to good use as we guided a huge group of senior citizens in chair yoga. Had the pleasure to meet and hear the High Commissioner of India himself who graced the event.

Later the same day, we ended the day with the main event back at CSC Tessensohn with a full programme of speeches and performances before the yoga practice. It really felt like I came a full circle to where I first started with Vyasa. 😊

My final session was on the following morning at CSC Bukit Batok, semi outdoors in an open pavilion with the pool as our view. So fortunate that the 6yo who gave the speech the previous night was invited here too! I got a much better view to her outstanding performance!! Thereafter, I took on the role of demonstrator and managed to execute all instructions successfully.

Yoga has really become such an important part of my life and it means so much to me that I am now able to introduce it and its benefits to so many more people. Still unsure about becoming a professional yoga instructor as something about linking it to monetary value feels wrong.. Anyway, looking forward to the upcoming thank-you party! And of course, many more IDY to come..